Gwyneth's Sad, Simple Meal

Today in celebrity gossip: Gwyneth Paltrow abstained from all the fun food when her family went out to dinner, Prince George is going to have some questionable nursery decoration, and some thoughts on the One Direction engagement. 

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Today in celebrity gossip: Gwyneth Paltrow abstained from all the fun food when her family went out to dinner, Prince George is going to have some questionable nursery decoration, and some thoughts on the One Direction engagement. 

Oh, to be Gwyneth Paltrow. On the one hand, you are a perfect being made of silk and wishes, a bell's tinkle frozen and molded into human form. You are beautiful and have lots and lots of money and a lovely family and fame and respect and all of those wonderful things. There is much to recommend being Gwyneth Paltrow. But on the other hand, there's this report from Serafina in Easthampton on Tuesday:

"Gwyneth didn't touch the carbs," the source notes. "She only ate the steamed vegetables. So everyone else had a pizza and pasta feast while she ate her vegetables and drank sparkling water."

Sounds like a real bummer, doesn't it? I get that her strict eating rules have a lot to do with health and disease prevention and not just simply being skinny, but whatever the reason, man does that stink. Cutting up your steamed broccoli (I'm just going to put this out there: Gwyneth Paltrow probably farts a lot. It's just a reality of her diet!) and sipping your seltzer while your husband throws back a beer and eats delicious pizzapie and feeds pizza and pasta to your happy kids, bouncing in their chairs, faces covered in sauce, drinkin' some Sprite, a good day to be alive and eating. And then you turn back to your plate and cut up a scallion or a bit of cauliflower and that's it for you. Sitting bonily in your chair, hoping a green Hamptons breeze whisks your farts away quickly, hungry, if not for basic calories, certainly for some richer and more satisfying meal, for the real chomp and gulp of life and not just the nibble. I suppose she makes up for that lack with fabulous parties and cool friends and, y'know, the love of family, but still. On vacation with your family and eating a stewed carrot while they twirl their pasta and fold their pizza. I just don't know if the rest of it, all the other jeweled and glorious facts of being Gwyneth Paltrow, is worth that. Plus, the farting. I'm really serious about the farting. [Us Weekly]

More from CNN's upcoming interview with Prince William has been released, including the interesting detail that baby Prince George will have "an African-themed nursery." Huh. What does that mean exactly? Well, William says, "I'll have toy elephants and rhinos around the room. We'll cover it in, you know, lots of bushes and things like that. [We'll] make him grow up as if he's in the bush." Huh. OK. Sure. Kids love animals and nature and all that stuff. I can dig it. And I know that William and Kate got engaged in Africa, and that he spent time there as a boy with Diana, so it has some meaning for him. But isn't there... Hm. How to say this. Isn't there something maybe a little tone-deaf about a British royal going to sleep every night in a room decorated with stuff that's reminiscent of a continent that is still struggling with the ravaging effects of colonialism, a lot of which was British? I don't know! I am probably being silly. But that seems a little off to me somehow. If they have some sort of India-themed birthday party for the kid next year then we'll really know if something is wrong. [Us Weekly]

All right, look. This huge news dropped like literally less than an hour after we posted Smart Set yesterday, which is a really f--ked up thing for the universe to do, but that's what happened. Still, it must be discussed in some capacity: Zayn Malik, arguably the most formally handsome of all the lads of One Direction, is engaged to his girlfriend. She is named Perrie Edwards and, in a beautiful act of symmetry straight out of a Shakespeare sonnet about brand integration, she is also part of a band that was formed by Simon Cowell on The X-Factor. Her girl group is called Little Mix, and Wikipedia says they've sold over two million albums worldwide, which is nothing to sneeze at. Both Malik and Edwards are just 20 years old, so, y'know, let's take this thing one day at a time. As for Malik's fans, well, as you can imagine from One Directioners, the reaction has been measured and thoughtful. They aren't writing insane fake letters from Zayn to them or anything. Nothing like that. This is all good news. Everything is wonderful here in the burning hot core of the world. [Daily Mail]

Oh, and, also yesterday: Actor Wentworth Miller, from Prison Break mostly, came out as gay in a public letter he wrote to a Russian film festival, declining an invitation because of Russia's awful new anti-gay laws. So. How about that. [TMZ]

Simon Cowell had a meeting with Andrew Silverman, the estranged husband of the woman who is having his baby, and they agreed to keep Simon's name out of the divorce proceedings and said that they'd try to still be friends. Glad they sorted that out. Meanwhile, Lauren Sullivan, I dunno, sat in a ditch somewhere and waited for the men to figure things out. Sigh. [Page Six]

Breaking: Huffington Post writer would like to be friends with Allison Williams after seeing photos of her college improv troupe. That's essentially the headline of an actual Huffington Post article: "Allison Williams' College Improv Team Photos Make Her Seem Way More Fun Than Her 'Girls' Character." The phrase "Make Her Seem Way More Fun" actually made its way into a headline. Terrific. What a vital post. I mean this one. Aren't you learning so much? [Huffington Post]

Even though the MTV VMAs are in Brooklyn this year and the network is sooo proud of how cooool that is, all the pre-parties and everything are in Manhattan. Because, ha, y'know, it's still Brooklyn. [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.