The Greatest Yard Sale in the World

Today celebrity news: Kelly Bensimon had a yard sale in the Hamptons, Prince William talks Prince George, and Caroline Kennedy is very rich.

On Friday we heard the news that Kelly Bensimon, former star of Real Housewives of New York City, was selling a bunch of her stuff this weekend in a restaurant parking lot in the Hamptons. She was calling it an "estate sale," but this was a yard sale through and through. Just not in a yard. The whole thing went down on Saturday and it sounds like it was quite the to-do. What exactly was on sale? Oh, lotsa stuff. Page Six says it was "everything from beds handmade in Italy and jewelry from her collection, to stuffed animals, American flags, pillows, lamps, an image of her Playboy cover and 'Real Housewives of New York' bric-à-brac." Real Housewives of New York bric-à-brac? What, like Alex McCord? Did Kelly sell Alex McCord at her lot sale? Look, we really shouldn't be making fun of this yard sale, as Kelly had it because she's strapped for cash and that's no joke, but it's really hard not to when Page Six tells us little stories like this: "We saw her former cast mate Jill Zarin stopping by to browse. (In true reality-TV star mode, Zarin was seen bending over to inspect some items, then popping back up and having a very public nipple slip. Quick-witted Bensimon reached over to help hike up Zaran’s shirt, then began singing humorously, 'That’s what friends are for.')" I mean... Can you think of a funnier way to spend your Saturday afternoon than going to a reality star's yard sale in a parking lot and watching her fix Jill Zarin's nip slip and then sing "That's what friends are for"? OK, you probably can, but that's not bad. You could do a lot worse, I think. You could be sitting in traffic somewhere or something. I don't know. I mean, Joy Behar was there! And Kelly gave her some lampshades! For free! "Oh here, rich person, you can have these for free even though the whole point of this vague debasement is to make money." No wonder she has to have the ding-dang yard sale in the first place! Oh, Kelly. [Page Six]

Here's a video of Prince William, Dark Lord of Anglesey, talking charmingly about bringing his son, Prince George Alexander Louis, Future Scourge of the Shetlands, home from the hospital. He talks fears and anxieties and driving and nappies and going back to work and all that typical new parent stuff. Only of course he is ringed with the golden halo of royalty and speaking to CNN from a gilded palace chamber while the screams of insolent servants and stable boys can be heard echoing from the dungeons. And at one point Harry strides through, shirt-ripped and red-faced, a giggling milkmaid slung over his shoulder, and a little later on the Queen appears as if from nowhere and whispers something in a guard's ear and one CNN crew member is dragged away and put in the stocks to have Londoners throw stinking rotted vegetables at him. But other than that! Other than those things, this is very normal new parents stuff. William and Catherine are living lives like so many of yours. The only difference being that Catherine is currently lying under an enormous canopied bed while a physician leeches her to help her lose the baby weight and balance her humours, while William paces in a giant map room and yells, "Father, we must destroy France while we still can!" Other than that, totally norms. [Us Weekly]

Is Liam Payne from One Direction, known as the "Oh, right, him" of the group, dating an old friend from high school? That's what the papes are saying. The story is that Payne flew Sophia Smith, a classmate of his from St. Peter's Collegiate in Wolverhampton, to Los Angeles for— Wait. Hold on. I'm sorry. Can we go back a bit. St. Peter's Collegiate in Wolverhampton? Oh England. Oh England. You've heard of Peter and the Wolf, well now here's St. Peter and the Wolverhampton. Wolverhampton. Good grief. I tell ya. What a country. Anyway, Liam might be making time with this girl or maybe they're just friends. Y'know, old friends from St. Peter's in Wolverhampton. "Are you going to the Wolverhamptons this weekend?" "Yeah, the Clintons are throwing a party at the house they rented. Only, I'm sort of scared to go." "Because of the wolves?" "Because of all the wolves." "Yeah." "Yeah." [Daily Mail]

Caroline Kennedy, daughter of JFK, is in the process of being confirmed as the new ambassador to Japan, a job she seems to want for some reason (nothing against the Japanese, but doesn't being an ambassador seem kind of boring?), and in the process has to disclose the extent of her wealth. And now people are saying it might be upwards of $500 million. Holy moly! That's a lot of clams. Back when she was maybe gunning for Hillary Clinton's old senate seat people thought she might be worth around $100 million, but it looks like it's actually a lot more. How about that. I knew the Kennedys were rich, but that rich? Good grief. Is there just going to be a line at the gates when Jack Schlossberg graduates from Yale? Girls, and maybe some boys, waiting expectantly for him to stride out and take one lucky person on the old-money adventure of a lifetime? And, if so, what's, like, the age cut-off? [Page Six]

Oh dear. Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton, who used to be friends, are now fighting. Or perhaps more than fighting. She's accused him of stalking her, publicly saying so on Twitter, and he's said that it's just a coincidence that he was looking at a New York apartment in her building. Who knows what's actually going on, but we can at least be sure that none of this has anything to do with getting attention. That's just not who these people are. [Buzzfeed]