Lindsay Lohan's Big Oprah Payday

Today in celebrity news: LiLo got a bunch of cash to sit down with Oprah, Stacy Keibler is doing fine post-Clooney, and Justin Bieber has a beer. 

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Lindsay Lohan doesn't let Oprah revive her career for free. No sir. For the pains of doing a sit-down interview special with Oprah on OWN, and then getting an eight-episode "docu-series" on the network, Lohan was paid a princely sum of $2 million. Well how about that! She's not even out of her rehab program yet and she's already making millions. What have YOU done today? Not made $2 million for talking to Oprah, I'll bet. I will say that despite all the messes and indignities, Lindsay Lohan has a remarkable ability to (sorta) land on her feet. I mean, if she moved to, I dunno, Cleveland or Asheville or something, she could feasibly, with the right investments made, live on $2 million for the rest of her life. Of course, she won't. It'll be cheeseburger room service at the Chateau Marmont in no time, but she could, if she wanted to, retire and just live a quieter, simpler, perhaps even better life on that $2 million that Oprah has waiting for her in a Samsonite briefcase. The sad part is knowing that she won't choose that life, that she'll likely be back to, if not the drink and the drugs, at least the otherwise lavish existence. Maybe Oprah should give me the $2 million instead. I'd know how to use it. Everybody gets a $2 million? Maybe Oprah? Mayyybe? [TMZ]

Stacy Keibler says she's doing fine post-breakup with George Clooney. Though I'm sure the exciting jetset lifestyle of dating George Clooney — sitting in a drafty house in Italy until it's bedtime at 8:30 — is sorely missed, as a person, emotionally, she's doing fine. "There's nothing really dramatic that happened, so it's all good," she said, supposedly to that show Extra, but I think she first said it to her mom on the phone, quietly, with a false chipperness, standing and looking through the slats of the vertical blinds in her new Culver City apartment, blinking in the harsh summer sunlight. She then told Extra, "I'm so excited for all these projects coming up, and I'm super busy." But of course she first said that to a friend, sitting outside at some healthy restaurant, picking at the greens on her plate, distractedly drinking her iced tea. "Just... super busy..." she trailed off. Meanwhile George wanders around that palazzo, curtains billowing in the wind, the sound of a motorboat buzzing in from the lake, the sense that something has ended dancing like a sigh in the Italian air. [Us Weekly]

Please have your children leave the room. (Why are your children in the room? Aren't you at work? I know it's summer, but the kids shouldn't have to come to your office every day.) This is serious adult stuff we have to talk about. OK, are they gone? Well, get this: Someone snapped a photo of Justin Bieber, known 19-year-old, drinking a beer beverage at a private Fourth of July party in the Hollywood Hills. Where, I will remind you, the legal drinking age is a strict 21. Justin has two more years before he is allowed to drink beer. In the photo Justin is cuddling up against his on-again girlfriend Selena Gomez, who at the ripe old age of 20 should be setting a good example for her child boyfriend. Around them are beer bottles and red plastic cups, kids lounging by the pool, bright towels laid out like they're at the beach. Basically it's a kids' pool party, and they're drinking shitty beer and probably disgusting mixed drinks out of the plastic cups. And look, compared to peeing in a minimum wage worker's mop bucket and menacing Calabasas with reckless driving, JB having a beer at a backyard barbecue on our nation's birthday doesn't really register in the Justin Bieber Is A Little Jerk narrative. This is Justin Bieber Is A 19-Year-Old Kid. Even the nicest 19-year-old kid has a beer at barbecue for heaven's sake. The party seems lame, but what do you expect. 19-year-olds go to lame parties. Nothing to see here, folks. Let's move along. [TMZ]

Bring the kids back in! They have to hear this! Jake Gyllenhaal was seen holding hands with his new girlfriend! Yup. Holding hands, while promenading down a New York City street on Sunday afternoon. The new girlfriend's name is Alyssa Miller, and she's a Sports Illustrated model. Of swimsuits, I'm assuming. Not, like, sporting equipment. Anyway, the two met at their gym, because that's where people like Jake Gyllenhaal and a Sports Illustrated model meet, and have been canoodling ever since. They were seen "being affectionate near New York University," which sounds like some sort of pretentious short story collection. Being Affectionate Near New York University, by Tao Lin. They were also seen walking down the street eating dessert off a plate. Jake was holding the plate and Alyssa was feeding him pieces. So they were doing more than holding hands! They were doing lots of things, Jake and Alyssa, the new couple. Let's all be happy for them. [Us Weekly]

Tom Cruise was recently the surprise speaker at a small acting school's graduation ceremony in Los Angeles. The Page Six headline? "Tom ‘Cruises’ to graduation." Get it? "Cruises"? Like, his last name, but also to sort of glide in. It's pretty good. Anyway, he apparently gave the students good advice about being professional and really learning everything about a film set that you can, not just sitting in your trailer. Which I'm sure all the students will take to heart and really apply when they're doing swing for Spamalot at The Muny. Congratulations, graduates! [Page Six]

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