Today in celebrity gossip: The once and future Destiny Child was briefly lost at sea; Kanye West roughed up a paparazzo; and '90s celebrities continue to confirm that mo' money does indeed lead to mo' problems.
We may never know the full extent of Beyoncé's power over the weather, but we do know this: Once and future Destiny's Child Kelly Rowland spent the greater part of last Friday on a sailboat off the coast of Provincetown, Mass., getting blown hither and thither by the angry breaths of Eurus, cousin of Zephyrus, god of gentle winds. Basically her whale watching boat went off course and had to be towed in. But the question remained: What had Kelly Rowland done to anger Poseidon? Had she watched His whales too closely? (Did she discover their secrets?) Had she disrespected the water god's wet hospitality by refusing to sing "Jumpin' Jumpin'" atop his gentle waves? Or maybe--and hear me out on this one--we're dealing with a Wes Craven's New Nightmare reboot scenario in which Freddy Krueger is real and attacking the cast of Freddy vs. Jason via supernatural means? (Related question: Is Freddy Krueger real?) None of these questions matter for the moment. The only thing that matters is that Kelly Rowland is alive, on land, and will hopefully assist in the search for Michelle Williams who was last seen flying up into the eye of a hurricane. [Us Weekly]
In a story designed by the universe to make us question our feelings about paparazzi, Kanye West "viciously attacked" a photographer who'd gotten a little too mouthy with the musician as he walked through LAX. What exactly does a "vicious attack" entail in this case? Apparently West tried to grab a camera and "the man fell down." So, uh. Okay. Question for discussion: As someone who is currently reading a gossip roundup, what are your feelings with regards to the safety of those who attempt to document gossip? Do we or do we not condemn paparazzi for being jerks? Do we or do we not condemn rappers for being jerks? Haha, bet you didn't expect to be getting a piping hot bowl of existentialism today, did you! Just kidding, it's oatmeal. [TMZ]