CNN Grounds Nancy Grace

Today in celebrity gossip: Nancy Grace can't moonlight anymore, Lindsay Lohan is heading East, and Paula Deen's sinkhole gets bigger.

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Those of you who like it when Nancy Grace goes on Good Morning America to bellow witlessly about the latest sensational murder case might want to sit down. I'm afraid it's bad news. CNN head Jeff Zucker, who of course also runs Grace's network, Headline News, has banned any CNN/HLN folks from appearing on morning shows unless they're there to promote a book or something else that has nothing to do with the news of the day. So he's basically implemented a non-compete sort of a thing, which makes sense. Though, I suppose there's an argument to be made that perhaps a show like GMA and its larger audience could follow Nancy Grace back to Headline after an appearance, but I guess Jeff Zucker doesn't care about such things. He doesn't want his people going to work for the competition, so there will be no more of Nancy Grace ruining your morning with her insanity. I'm sorry for your loss. [Page Six]

Uh oh. Hold onto your butts, New York. Dina Lohan, the irradiated demon who gave birth to Lindsay Lohan many thousands of years ago, says that her daughter will be moving back to the East Coast when she is finished with her most recent stint in rehab. Specifically she'll be back home with the family in Long Island, which is hopefully a good place for her to be. I mean it's definitely better than L.A., a lonely city that makes sad people sadder. Living with Dina Lohan is probably no picnic, but one hopes it would at least be better than living by yourself in the Chateau Marmont where your only support is some Hector Elizondo-ish hotel manager. Maybe in Long Island she can calm herself and chill out and read some books and eat some pasta and whatever else and that'll just be that. If only for a few months. She probably needs it. I mean, everyone needs it. Don't we? Let's all move to Long Island. [New York Daily News]

There's not much to talk about here, but you just have to look at this picture of Henry Cavill walking down a street in Los Angeles with his new lady friend Kaley Cuoco on his arm. And when I say on his arm, I mean on his arm. Kaley Cuoco is not letting go of this dude. She's mid-cackle in the photo, and it's not hard to imagine that she is yelling "Look what I've got!!!" Because look at Henry Cavill. It's ridiculous. It really is almost completely ridiculous — there's something goofy about how good looking he is, isn't there? It's a joke. I want Lauren Bacall or someone similarly voiced to walk up to him, stroke his cheek, and say "Well aren't you absurd." Because he is. And Kaley Cuoco knows it. That's why she's laughing. "What a f--king loony tune this guy is, huh?? And he's mine! Ahahaha." Life has been very, very kind to Kaley Cuoco. [Us Weekly]

Paula Deen has cut ties to her longtime agent, the one who shepherded her into fame through her Food Network show. Who knows the exact reasons why she split with her agent, but I'd have to guess it has something to do with the giant sinkhole that opened up under her life recently and sucked absolutely everything into it. That might be some indicator as to her reasons. But, again, who knows. [People]

Seth Meyers is engaged to his girlfriend, Alexi Ashe, a lawyer whom he met at a wedding. So, give up the ghost, all you comedy nerd girls who have been hoping to catch his eye at a UCB show, kicking off a whirlwind romance that ends with you two all cozy and funny in his West Village apartment. It's not gonna happen, I'm afraid. I know it sometimes felt like it might when you sat there at ASSSSCAT, but it's not going to. Not ever. So maybe cycle back to that crush you had on your level 3 teacher instead. That's maybe more realistic. [Us Weekly]

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