Celebrities Shouldn't Wear Clothes

Today in celebrity gossip: Humiliating photos of Channing Tatum, Kate Moss, and Shailene Woodley wearing clothing; Oprah's got a Rae Dawn Chong problem; and Shirley MacLaine remains 100% sane and normal.

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Today in celebrity gossip: Humiliating photos of Channing Tatum, Kate Moss, and Shailene Woodley wearing clothing; Oprah's got a Rae Dawn Chong problem; and Shirley MacLaine remains 100% sane and normal.

[Note: While Richard Lawson is off exploring the ancient mysteries of primordial Europe, please accept my heartfelt efforts to fill in for him. You may deserve only the rich man's gossip sheet, but sometimes even poor men must feast. Let's do this!]

Will the humiliation never cease? Just when Hollywood celebrities can't get anymore shameless or audacious they go and do something as appalling as wear clothing. First Kate Moss was seen in public wearing a skirt. Then Channing Tatum was spotted wearing clothes that did not remain in style ten years later. Most shocking, disappointing, and heartbreaking of all: Both The Descendants' Shailene Woodley and Ender's Game's Hailee Steinfeld wore vaguely similar, ordinary white shirts with black trousers to a comic book convention attended by over one hundred thousand people. When the French first devised the phrase "faux pas" not even they could have known what an understatement it would become on this day. What were these celebrities thinking? [US WeeklyDaily MailDaily Mail]

Whoops, it appears Katie Holmes' canonization into post-Scientology sainthood just hit a speed bump. We all knew the former Mrs. Cruise's escape from that particular organization entailed secrecy, cunning, and the kind of bravery not seen since the movie The Brave One or the band The Bravery or even the Atlanta Braves, but it appears that back when she was a full-fledged Hubbard-mother, Holmes behaved prettttttty shadily. Pretty shadily indeed. According to whispers from people claiming inside knowledge of the recent Scientology defection of Saved by the Bell actress Leah Remini, Katie Holmes once totally narc'd on Leah Remini to the church elders. The initial incident had something to do with Leah Remini trying to sit by her friend at TomKat's wedding or something dumb like that. But still. Katie Holmes sat down at her desk, took out her favorite pen, clicked the button for purple ink, and wrote the shadiest of shady missives throwing Remini under the bus, into the gutters, and straight into hell (Clearwater, Fla.) for which Remini was then billed $300,000. So, uh, ouch. Glad both ladies are safely out of that place, but it sounds like somebody owes somebody a Shirley Temple. [Radar]

Well, Oprah had a good run. Decades of television dominance, billions of dollars, immeasurable cultural influence, a private romance that could heat a sun: all for nought. Because Rae Dawn Chong has finally broken her legendary silence about Winfrey and her words were not kind. No, not kind at all. Devastating words. Career-ending, even. And very racist? Yes, that too. Tommy Chong's Commando-starringest daughter recently appeared on something called "Matty P's Radio Happy Hour" and described her former The Color Purple castmate as "a total biotch" and, later, as the kind of person who 60 years ago would have "not been a house n-----r, she would have been a field n-----r." So, there you have it. Rae Dawn Chong has spoken, everybody. For more of Rae Dawn Chong's thoughts about Oprah, please visit the Chula Vista Walgreens where she folds boxes. [TMZ]

Let's play a game of High-Low! What have been the high and low points of YOUR day thus far? Well, as far as this roundup is concerned, today's high must be the romantic reunion of Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult, two talented lookers who originally fell in lust while being repeatedly sprayed in the face with blue paint during their shared experience making X-Men: First Class. Apparently their courtship had been called off earlier this year, shortly before Lawrence laid herself on the floor of the Dolby Theater and rolled up onstage to accept an Academy Award, but presumably after Lawrence saw an early screening of Hoult's Jack the Giant Slayer. Because holy dang was that a terrible nightmare of a movie. (You okay, Brian Singer?) Anyway, recently Hoult and Lawrence reunited in the blue makeup k-hole making the next X-Men film and according to sources, "One day they just started kissing... And they hooked up." A legendary romance, basically. Good luck, kids. Please shirtless hug until you wish to shirtless hug no more. Oh, right, and today's LOW point? Fisher Stevens thinks he's going to be in a Short Circuit reboot. :(  [Daily MailTMZ]

Celebrated actress and noted poltergeist Shirley MacLaine has struck again! Backstage recently at the new Christopher Durang joint Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike, the erstwhile Downton Abbey star ambled right up to the cast and crew of the Tony-winning family drama and gifted them with a full-blown bag lady rant. Why, she demanded, had the play not directly addressed the existence of UFOs? Frankly, it was a good question, a perfect question, and it needed to be asked. The Page Six spy who overheard this exchange did not say whether MacLaine received a satisfactory answer from the cast or not, but that is probably because it's hard to give a satisfactory answer when you've been TOLD, MODED, and SHUT DOWN. Better luck next time, Christopher Durang or should I call you Christopher Dizzangggg? No, no I shouldn't. But seriously, please write about UFOs next time. Because Shirley MacLaine. [Page Six]

Price Peterson is a writer & TV recapper and can be followed on Twitter at @pricepeterson.

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