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Oh thank god. After nearly a year of waiting, made all the more anxious by a seriously fascinating New York Times Magazine article, Lindsay Lohan's sure to be wonderful new film The Canyons will be getting a release this summer. The sexual thriller, directed by Paul Schrader and written by Brett Easton Ellis, will debut in New York on August 2, go wider on August 9, and also be released On Demand at the same time. So you will get to see this movie if you want to see this movie. Do you want to see this movie? It's Lindsay Lohan and porn star James Deen in some kind of romantic con game. I think? I kinda forget. I feel like the plot isn't really the point. The point is that you need to read that article and then you'll be curious to see the movie because you'll want to see the end result of all the madness. In many ways that article was the best PR the movie ever could have had. Of course, in truth, the movie is bound to be terrible, literally not one thing about it sounds good, but isn't that a curiosity in its own right? I think it is. So in August, let's do this thing. Let's watch The Canyons and laugh a little and then move on with our lives like nothing ever happened. [Page Six]
On the opposite end of the spectrum from Lindsay Lohan, child actress turned productive adult Emma Watson has announced plans to return to Brown University to finish her degree, two years after putting her education on hiatus. Good for her! Very few of those industrious celebrities who start fancy colleges complete their time — Claire Danes dropped out of Yale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt skedaddled from Columbia — so it's good to see Watson dedicated to doing just that. Not that she needs to finish college. I mean, she doesn't need to do anything. If she wanted to she could lie in a hammock and eat Quaker Chews for the rest of her life. She could get in a hot air balloon and fly around the world forever. She could move to a small town and buy the big house on the hill and reign as the richest woman in the county, revered and feared by all. Basically her options are limitless and they aren't any hampered, really, by a lack of a college degree. (I suppose she couldn't be an investment banker or a biology professor, but who wants to do that?) But, still, it's good she's going back. I hope she enjoys her time there! The last two years of college are more fun than the first two, I think. She could do a few plays, hook up with some boys, go to parties. Y'know, that stuff. It's good. I'm glad. Have fun, Ms. Watson. [New York Daily News]