This article is from the archive of our partner .

After a dismal offering at NBC and an ambitious presentation from Fox, upfront week moved on to ABC late Tuesday afternoon. ABC, which isn't in great shape, is also wildly rebooting its lineup. (You can see an interactive now-and-then schedule below.) In a conference call earlier in the day, ABC's entertainment president Paul Lee explained that "it doesn't get more agressive" than the network's new Tuesday lineup, which is anchored by an already heavily promo-ed Marvel collaboration, and ABC's revamped Thursday night, which starts with the Once Upon a Time spinoff and is apparently all about "empowered women." Meanwhile, Dancing with the Stars has been scaled back to one night a week. Scroll down for all those details, plus extended trailers for new shows, pretty good Jimmy Kimmel jokes, and more. (And click here for Richard Lawson's take.)



2013 | 2012

  8:00 p 8:30 p 9:00 p 9:30 p 10:00 p 10:30 p
Monday Dancing With the Stars Castle
Tuesday Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. The Goldbergs Trophy Wife Lucky 7
Wednesday The Middle Back in the Game Modern Family Super Fun Night Nashville
Thursday Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Grey's Anatomy Scandal
Friday Last Man Standing The Neighbors Shark Tank 20/20
Saturday Saturday Night College Football
Sunday Once Upon a Time Revenge Betrayal


The Presentation

5:34 p.m. Eastern Joss Whedon: "What I loved about the Avengers became S.H.I.E.L.D." He highlights Clark Gregg: "An actor so talented even I couldn't kill him." Whedon talks about the everyman quality of the show, making it about the ordinary people in the superhero world. 

And here's the extended clip, which reveals, we guess, that Coulson didn't really die during The Avengers even though newer members of S.H.I.E.L.D. believe he did. Coulson emerges to reveal himself. "Sorry that corner was really dark and I couldn't help myself," Coulson says. 

5:33 The finale at today's presentation is going to be Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Lee has brought out Whedon and the whole cast. 

5:30 And the final midseason show is a comedy, Mixology. It's a high concept show that apparently entirely takes place in one night. (Like not just the episode, the entire season.) So we guess that means it's kind of like 24, but for hookups. 

5:26 Killer Women is another procedural produced by Sofía Vergara. It's about a tough and sexy Texas ranger. So that's that. 

5:22 Mind Games is a procedural with Christian Slater and Steve Zahn who play people who try to change people's minds. Zahn plays bipolar. 

5:18 Onto midseason. There's a The Quest, which is, we guess, Lord of the Rings, but a reality show? And Resurrection is about a boy who comes back to life after 32 years after falling in the river trying to save his aunt and dying. It might have religious overtones. 

5:16 "Let's go in on a turd together," Kimmel concludes. 

5:15 And we're back to Splash jokes. 

5:13 Kimmel, onto Fox, has an alternate name for Gordon Ramsay's Junior MasterChef: "Mommy a mean British asshole told me my pancakes taste like goat dick." He calls CBS "those smug motherf--kers," and makes some cracks about their audience being old. 

5:10 In his roast, Kimmel makes a Splash joke. He also calls Matt Lauer a villain a lá Don Draper or Walter White. He also has a good way to distinguish himself and Jimmy Fallon. Fallon sings. Hes's "the one who comes here every year and calls you assholes." Now he's on an NBC rant. "They're strategy for next year is to oppose immigration reform," he says of NBC being beaten by Univision. 

5:07 Kimmel is now out onstage. He asks the advertisers to just put their money in bags.  He explains:  "It's time to stop calling this an upfront and call it what it is: throwing shit against a wall and seeing if it sticks." 

5:04 Lee is doing a bit about how Jimmy Kimmel is now "insufferable" since he's been bumped up. 

5:00 Here's Betrayal, which Lee calls "achingly romantic." It's a limited series, and looks like your standard pretty people making bad romantic choices deal. 

5:00 Shark Tank is apparently a big hit with families. Go figure. 

4:59 And now a Scandal finale sneak peek. 

4:53 Here's the "kick-ass" Alice in Wonderland show that's a Once Upon a Time spinoff: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. Alice has apparently institutionalized for insanity, has met a genie/love interest in Wonderland, who she has to fight for.

4:50 The show is about three friends that usually stay in, who decide to enter the world. 

4:49 Wilson describes her show: "This show is really the anti-Sex and the City because when these ladies eat at night, they aren't talking about dick." 

4:46 And now the Rebel Wilson comedy Super Fun Night. Wilson comes on stage to introduce her show. She reads from a paper, awkwardly, on purpose. Conan O'Brien exec-produced.

4:43 Are you ready for a James Caan comedy? Because he's in Back in the Game, a Bad News Bears-esque story about a woman who coaches misfit kids on a baseball team. Caan plays her father. 

4:37 Lucky 7 is apparently about the "99 percent" according to Lee, but it's also "aspirational." So, okay. It's about a bunch of people who work at a gas station and win the lottery. 

4:36 Now Trophy Wife with Malin Akerman as the new wife of Bradley Whitford, who has two ex-wives one of which Marcia Gay Harden.  

4:31 First up we have The Goldbergs, the 80s-set comedy with Bridesmaids Wendi McLendon-Covey and Jeff Garlin. There seem to be a bunch of nostalgia humor. "The only one that understands me is Flavor Fav," one of the kids says. 

4:30 He says "you nerds are going to love" S.H.I.E.L.D.

4:25 ABC Entertainment Group President Paul Lee describes the schedule as a mix of "stability and out and out ambition." Dancing will be two hours on Monday, building the results show into it. 

4:22 After some talk of market demos, we're onto a clip reel. 

4:14 Now we're talking about Watch ABC, which means that viewers can watch live streams of the network. It launched in Philadelphia and New York today.  

4:11 Sweeney makes a Barbara Walters tribute. Walters blows Sweeney a kiss. Walters gets a standing ovation. 

4:10 When Sweeney walks out Sawyer gestures angrily. Sweeney segues into how great Jimmy Kimmel at 11:35 is. 

4:07 And we're off. We begin with a Scandal spoof starring Kerry Washington and Jimmy Kimmel, the latter of which is supposedly protecting the president. Washington demands to see said president, who is revealed to be the Disney/ABC Television Group president Anne Sweeney, who reveals, among other things: "ABC adopted" and that she wears Diane Sawyer's clothes.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to