What Your Favorite Pixar Movie Says About You
Can we all agree that we are unanimously, as a society, excited that Pixar's new movie Finding Dory, the sequel to 2003's Finding Nemo, is now officially on the way? Can we agree that not only children watch Pixar movies? Good, now let's feel even better about that.
Pixar movies are kids movies on the surface, sure, but decades of Academy acceptance and a warehouse full of golden statues later, they've crossed over into that realm of things made for kids that adults are allowed to like. So, with that and the big Pixar news of the day in mind, we've decided to make you feel better about liking Pixar movies.
Can we all agree that we are unanimously, as a society, excited for Pixar's new movie Finding Dory, the sequel to 2003's Finding Nemo, that's coming in 2015? Good, perfect, glad that's decided. It's coming out November 25, 2015, which is more than two years away, which seems a little crazy. Ellen DeGeneres is returning as Dory and the whole crew is coming back, too: Nemo, Marlin, and the rest of the creatures from that dentist office tank, too. The script is "fantastic," Ellen said in a press release. She announced it on Instagram, too, and her show this morning:
You may notice there are no children in Ellen's audience, and yet the crowd lets out a deafening roar when she announces the sequel. Whether it's the story of a lovelorn robot in Wall-E or the toys just trying to find their way home in Toy Story, each and every human has a favorite Pixar movie. Only the coldest and darkest hearts don't watch Pixar movies. But not all Pixar movies are created equal. Some Pixar movies are Cars. So, without further ado, a mini-investigation:
Toy Story (all of them)
A Bug's Life
It's the secret Pixar movie packed with comedy bigwigs. It's got Denis Leary, Phyllis Diller, David Hyde Pierce, Kevin Spacey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Brad Garrett, and Kids in the Hall alum Dave Foley. You like it when good people make OK movies. You probably read SplitSider.
The thought of taking care of a child terrifies you, but you also find it fascinating. Kids! They can teach you so much about life, about the world, and about yourself. They are also filthy little mongrels that can be hard to keep track of. Watching this is better than having kids, you say, but maybe you'll borrow one for an afternoon sometime. Just to try it out. They aren't so bad.
You're living on your own and realizing how big and scary the world is. Deep down all you really want is to go home and hang out with your parents for an afternoon, maybe do some yardwork with dad. But instead, you're just out here swimming. Swimming, swimming, swimming around, hoping for the best and never, ever stopping.
You like it when dysfunctional families come together to achieve something spectacular in the end. You're probably a really big Modern Family fan. You're also probably thrilled that Disney acquired Marvel, but might not know they don't have the rights to the Fantastic Four. You wish that your family could come together on the holidays, at least, without Uncle Dave starting an argument about his politics after one too many. You are also part of the most neglected fanbase in the Pixar community, and for that our heart goes out to you. You deserve better, Incredibles fans.
Cars (all of them)
You really like Owen Wilson, NASCAR, Larry the Cable Guy, or all of the above, and you like them a little too much. Cars is bad and you should feel bad. Or you have a small child and it shuts them up for an hour, and for that you are forever grateful. It's one of those two things, is what we're saying about Cars.
You like a good slobs-vs.-snobs story. You're also a foodie who records all the Food Network shows, diligently. You've never missed an episode of Chopped. But, unfortunately, you're an absolute disaster in the kitchen. You can't tell the difference between a ladle or a whisk to save your life. You may also just really like Patton Oswalt. That guy is alright.
You're a big Meg Ryan fan. Or, at the very least, movies about unrequited love are your M.O. You've probably seen You've Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle enough times to know each and every line backwards and forwards and backwards again. You may also enjoy seeing the world destroyed and humans relegated to being fat, lazy drones floating in space. You may just enjoy space and robots and things. It's a toss-up, really.
You like it when a movie breaks you down emotionally and then builds you back up again. You like a good cry. You're a sucker for punishment. You also like very, very good movies.
You may have stayed up late this week finishing Lean In, then spent another two hours reading all of the blog posts written about it. You counted it as a personal victory that Pixar finally had a female lead. You may also be a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. You have a Katniss Everdeen phone background, and you dig archery. You're a Jezebel commenter, or a ginger, or both.