What do you get when Time magazine asks celebrities to write about the greatness of other celebrities? The annual "Time 100," of course! But you also get a lot of terribly obnoxious back-patting, most of which, this year, is guardedly self aggrandizing.
Of course, the tributes aren't universally horrible. Jodie Foster's paragraph on Jennifer Lawrence is—as you might expect from Foster's Golden Globes speech—delightfully bizarre. The words from a fourth grader to Chris Christie are sweet. Some are somber, others reasoned, most intelligent.
And then there are the stinkers. These celebrities writing about other celebrities just have to remind Time's readers that they, too, are... celebrities. The praise is overwritten and ridiculous. Justin Timberlake just has to remind us that we weren't invited to his wedding. This is worse than that time Time made Jeremy Lin write about Tim Tebow because religion.
Here are some of the worst offenders on the 2013 list.
"I know a thing or two about building spaceships, having started Virgin Galactic."
"I've had the chance to meet LeBron James, and I know he's a Yankees fan. I also know it must be tough to root for the Yankees while living in Miami and Cleveland."