Reese Can Make This All Go Away

Today in celebrity news: Reese Witherspoon cancels her TV appearances, Leo DiCaprio gave Gwyneth Paltrow some crazy ideas, and Jennifer Lawrence got a haircut.

In the wake of last weekend's incident in Atlanta, in which Reese Witherspoon was arrested for sassing cops while they arrested her husband for a DUI, the actress has stepped out in public, at the New York premiere of her movie Mud, but has canceled scheduled television appearances. She was supposed to film a Good Morning America interview yesterday that would have aired today, but she backed of that. And she was scheduled to be on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon tonight but nixed that as well. It's almost as if she'd rather deal with this business privately rather than appear on TV to talk all about it. I know that seems to run completely counter to the current notion of celebrity, but I believe that is what's happening here. Shocking, I know. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that she's not going to stop for TMZ cameras next time they find her. And actually even weirder is that they won't find her at all, because she's not going to slowly walk down Robertson waiting for them to catch up or have her publicist drop a tip about her whereabouts. It's crazy, but it just might work. All great invention comes from a little bit of madness, you know? Reese Witherspoon might actually be onto something. [Page Six]

Speaking of TMZ, here's a really wonderful article that they've written up. The post is called "Not All Famous Preggo Chicks Have to Be HUGE" and it is about how Duchess Kate is pregnant and still rather petite, whereas famous people like Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson have gained more weight while pregnant. With Kate, "you could BARELY tell she was with fetus," but, well, the pictures of Kardashian and Simpson speak for themselves. Isn't that nice? Isn't that a great article? Not all famous preggo chicks have to be HUGE. Some famous chicks who are with fetus can be skinny. Preggo chicks. Someone typed that. They opened a new post in TMZ's publishing system, typed it out — thought about it, deliberated over words and sentences — and hit 'save.' Then they or someone else found photos, searched through the database to find just the right ones. Then an editor maybe took a look or maybe it just went up, the person who wrote it hitting 'post' and there it is on the site. Not all famous preggo chicks have to be HUGE. Someone wrote that post. With its 40 Facebook shares, its 78 tweets, its 59 comments. There it is. Because someone wrote it. [TMZ]

Gwyneth Paltrow, a celery stalk touched by King Midas, says that famous actor Leonardo DiCaprio is partly responsible for her choice to stop eating red meat 20 years ago. "He was vegetarian and he'd talk about how dirty meat is and how bad factory farming is. I haven't eaten red meat in 20 years, and although Leo's not totally responsible, he definitely planted a seed." Aha! "Although Leo's not totally responsible, he definitely planted a seed" is happily for Mr. DiCaprio not something a family court judge has said recently. Nope, it's just what Gwyneth Paltrow said about eating red meat. So, listen up, Chris and Apple and Moses. You now have someone to partly blame for all this and his name is Leonardo DiCaprio. The next time you three poor souls are eating flakes of shaved tree root or are told to lean in close to your plate and shut your eyes and whisper the word "corn" and pretend that it's there, you can concentrate all your hunger and rage on Leonardo DiCaprio. It's his damn fault! If he hadn't planted that seed, you poor buggers wouldn't be stuck eating nothing but seeds. And only like two seeds. It's two seeds on a plate and then there's a small piece of brown recycled paper that says "bread" on it. And she says, "Read the word and imagine it's there and then eat the seed and the seed will taste like bread! It's called food acting!" Then she folds herself up and puts herself in the linen closet for the night and a furtive McDonald's trip is made in the dark, the starving trio racing down London streets toward anything real. [Us Weekly]

Oh my god. Are you sitting down? I seriously hope you're sitting down, because get this: Jennifer Lawrence got a haircut. Yup! Her long dirty blonde locks, always looking like she just came from the beach, are gone. Now it's shorter and blonder and, I believe, there are bangs. I think those are bangs! Who knows why this happened — the world is capricious, mercurial, things change in an instant — but it happened. So we have to deal with it. This is the reality that exists for us now. The Jennifer Lawrence hair reality. And it's fine. It looks good! It's just different. That's all. It's different, and sometimes change, especially involving someone we love so dearly as Jennifer Lawrence, can be hard. But we can all grow to accept and love it together. That's the great gift of America, isn't it. [Us Weekly]