Lindsay Lohan Sheds a Lonely Tear

Today in celebrity news: LiLo and Letterman have a chat, Tom Cruise opens up about divorce, and Kate Upton must choose between Puff Daddy and Michigan's freshman hero.

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Ostensibly there to promote Scary Movie 5, in which she has a cameo of sorts, troubled young actress Lindsay Lohan appeared on Late Show with David Letterman last night. Of course Dave couldn't let the opportunity to talk about Lohan's upcoming stint in rehab pass, and so he brought it up in as genial a fashion as he could. Lohan actually went along pretty gamely, until she sorta lost it at the end and teared up. But it wasn't because she was sad, it was because she was touched, I guess, by Dave's kindness in saying that she had chutzpah to come out and do the interview, even though the show has made so many jokes about her over the years and even the last few days. So it all turned into a big lovefest at the end and Lohan was sent away to rehab promising to have all this nonsense in her rearview when she returns to the show next. Do we believe it? Oh, who knows. We've seen this version of Lindsay Lohan before, contrite and lightly self-deprecating. But things have always gone back to the bad eventually. Not that she has to be contrite, though. We're awfully scolding of her, aren't we? And we're not the law or her parents or anything, are we? It's bad that she drives drunk, of course — that's a public danger — but everything else? It all feels a bit like shunning her for not acting like a lady. Which is absurd. Dave didn't treat her like that, though, which is maybe why she was touched? I don't know. Anyway, she's off to her expensive rehab facility in May and we'll see what comes out three months later. Maybe she'll meet her long-lost twin there and some kind of adventure will begin. That'd be nice.

Tom Cruise is doing press for his upcoming movie Oblivion and during one interview with a German TV station, he admitted that his divorce from Katie Holmes came as a surprise. "I didn't expect it," he said. "To be 50 and to have experiences and to think you have a grip on everything, and then it hits you -- this is it, what life can do to you," he continued. "Life is a tragicomedy. You need to have a sense of humor." So, that's a good attitude, right? It sucked, life is unpredictable, but I keep my humor about me and move on. About as good a perspective as you can have, probably. But I do wonder why all of this was being discussed with a German television station. Like, why make that the big breaking of your silence? I guess maybe this is just his first press for this new movie, so maybe he'll say similar stuff in America when he gets around to it, but I dunno. It's pretty nervy of whatever German TV host he was talking to to ask the question at all. "Thanks for coming to talk to us about your science fiction movie. Say, were you surprised when your wife dumped you?" (Weirdly enough that's all one word in German.) It's just kind of a ballsy thing to do, interview-wise! It's weird because you never really think of the Germans being aggressive, but ah well. Cruise answered candidly but kept his privacy intact and put a positive spin on the whole thing. Because he's mostly a pro. There've been a few press bobbles over the years to be sure, but for the most part, the guy's smooth as silk. [Us Weekly]

Spike Albrecht, the 20-year-old reserve member of U. Mich's basketball team who went on a hot streak during the first half of Monday's NCAA championship game, is a sly dog. He spotted jiggly bikini model Kate Upton in the crowd while playing his game and afterward decided to use his sudden fame to make time with the blonde bombshell. So naturally, as 20-year-olds are wont to do they says, he tweeted at her, saying "@KateUpton hey saw you at the game last night, thanks for coming out! Hope to see you again." Oh ho ho! I mean, it's subtle. Sweet, even. But he tried. God bless the kid, he tried. Alas Kate has not yet responded. Well, at least on Twitter she hasn't. Perhaps she's too busy gallivanting around with Puff Diddles, who appears to be her new main squeeze. They were spotted making out at a club in Miami late last month and then at dinner in New York last week. So who knows! Can lil' Spike compete with Duff Piddles? I guess we'll have to wait and see. Obviously most people are rooting for Spike, even though I doubt that after Monday night he's exactly wanting in the lady companionship department. It'd just be a funny way to end the Spike Albrecht story. That's all. They're both Michigan people! And they're the same age! It's kind of perfect. Come on, Kate. Make a Wolverine's year. [USA Today; New York Daily News]

Aw. Oprah's freed house elf Nate Berkus and his boyfriend Jeremiah Brent have gotten engaged. Berkus, who used to have his own talk show and now just has a bunch of other things, was the one to do the proposing, while the couple was at Machu Picchu in Peru. Romantic! Berkus and Brent, who was Rachel Zoe's kept boy and now just does a lot of this, have been dating only about nine months. They were outed a couple after being spotted "kissing at the sunglass rack in the men's section" of Barney's. So, if that's not true love, I don't know what is. Congrats to the happy couple, who will probably have the mostly ungodly stylish wedding of all time, putting everyone else to shame. Sorry, everyone else getting married. Your wedding just cannot compare. This is the slippery slope everyone's been talking about, I guess. [Us Weekly]

Look! It's pictures of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi's mountain house. It's a lot of cabins and an "art barn" and it is all very well-decorated. It's OK to look because they want you to look. That's why they had the photographers come. It's nice! Take a look! I said, take a look. [Daily Mail]

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