Heidi Klum, Hawaiian Beach Hero

Today in celebrity news: Heidi Klum helped rescue her son and two nannies from the watery depths this weekend, Amy Poehler went on (gulp) a date, and Lindsay Lohan makes an April Fools' joke.

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Apparently model turned television mogul Heidi Klum helped save her son and two nannies from drowning in Hawaii on Sunday. Everyone was going swimming and were suddenly dragged out to sea by a riptide, and Klum and her bodyguard boyfriend were the ones who helped get everyone to shore. Klum was in the water, too, so it's not exactly clear what advantage she had over the others, but that's what's being said, that Heidi is one of the heroes here. Which, really, would make complete sense. Heidi Klum sort of does everything, doesn't she? She models, she hosts, she creates clothes and perfumes, she can talk to seals. The lady is so talented that she's been hired to be a judge on America's Got Talent. So it's no wonder that she was caught in the same riptide as everyone else and yet was able to come to their rescue. "Come, nannies! Come, son!" she said, gliding over to them borne on a bed of foam, "Come with me to safety!" And then they floated back to shore, easy as that. In the past she would have just invoked the power of the seals to come and rescue everybody, but she can't really do that these days. The seals aren't thrilled with her recently, for obvious reasons. However it was done, I'm glad everyone was rescued and that all are safe and well. I hear that after everyone had calmed down, Heidi performed a perfect hula dance for the group, all part of a new show she's cooking up called Klum Is Kokonuts. Can't wait! [Us Weekly]

Hm. This sort of pains me to read, but it is interesting. So here it is: Amy Poehler was recently spotted out on a date with comedian Nick Kroll. Yeah, like as in Amy Poehler might be moving on from Will Arnett. Which is sad, but I guess an inevitability. And, hey, she could do a lot worse than Nick Kroll. He's a funny guy. I mean, imagine if the news was that Amy Poehler was seen out and about with Adam Levine. Or, like, John Mayer. That would be terrible! "Amy Poehler Out On Date With Maksim Chmerkovskiy." "Amy Poehler Spotted Canoodling With Steve Bing." It could be so much worse, is what I'm saying. Nick Kroll seems like a genuine human being and is not some cornball. What if Amy Poehler was seen having dinner with Paul Nassif?! Say what you might about Nick Kroll, there are far worse people in L.A. So, be sad about Will Arnett, but be happy about Nick Kroll. [Page Six]

Lindsay Lohan made an April Fools' joke on Twitter early this morning, saying that she's pregnant. She is not pregnant. It was just a joke. For April Fools'. The rest of what's going on with Lindsay Lohan? Not an April Fools' joke, I'm pretty sure. Unless she's working the real long con, which would be impressive. [New York Daily News]

After ousted American Idol contestant Devin Velez implied to reporters that he wasn't saved by the judges because the judges want a girl to win this year, judge Nicki Minaj went on a Twitter spree, saying things like "Saves' are bulls--t and they know it. Those girls are just too good this year" and "Trust me BEW BEW. If EYE didn't want u in that TOP, YOU wldnt have been in that TOP. Fought for ALL of you. So just simply b gracious." Which, yes, she has a point on both accounts. The save is a little silly usually (and come on, like they were ever going to use it on Devin Velez), and the girls are very good. And you should be gracious! Nicki is right in those respects. But! Devin is not completely wrong in thinking that he maybe never had a chance of winning and that was by design. Like, the judges and the producers and everyone else all clearly colluded to have the girls be way stronger than the boys this season and it shows in every episode. So I understand that Devin might feel a bit frustrated by that. Though, isn't that then a tacit admission that, yes, the girls are better than him? So maybe his feeling should be, hey at least I got this far? I don't know. That's how I see it. It's really never worth biting the hand that feeds you, even if that hand was maybe a little stingy. And hey, at least he's got the tour coming up! That ought to be a real thrill, driving around all summer in a hot van, performing three songs every night at such famous arenas as the Schottenstein Center in Columbus, Ohio, and the Dunkin' Donuts Center in Providence. That's gotta be good. Focus on that, Devin. [Us Weekly]

Though her neighbors have (allegedly) publicly complained, so publicly that it wound up on TMZ, Maria Shriver says she is not taking her Christmas lights down, insisting that no one is actually upset and reminding a paparazzo yesterday that it was Holy Monday and so... focus on that? I don't know! Maria Shriver likes her lights and that's that. They're not going anywhere. So whether or not the neighbors' complaints are real — though I'd have to guess that they are, because why would anyone make up a rumor that Maria Shriver's neighbors hate her Christmas lights? I mean there are so many more important rumors to make up, and what if Maria Shriver didn't even have Christmas lights?? — we can rest assured that the Shriver family's bushes and trees will remain illuminated as long as they want them to be. And if anyone has a real problem with that, Maria will send Patrick out to go pout at them. [TMZ]

Magic Johnson's son was seen out and about with who would appear to be his boyfriend and he says he is praying for the Dodgers and the Lakers. He seems like fun! [TMZ]

Shia LaBeouf was on The Late Show with David Letterman last night and Dave asked about the whole kerfuffle with the Broadway play Orphans, a job LaBeouf was fired from after clashing with costar Alec Baldwin. By way of explanation, LaBeouf said "Me and Alec had tension as men. Not as artists but as men." Ha! As men. It's sort of a silly thing to say and, welp, the audience giggled a little bit. And I don't think Shia wanted them to! I really don't think he did. But, oh well. At least he was gracious about it. You can at least say that of the situation. Shia LaBeouf was gracious. As a man. [Wall Street Journal]

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