Today in celebrity news: Teen heartthrob Justin Bieber is causing trouble, Jon Hamm doesn't want you talking about his privates, and Chris Christie brags about Prince Harry.
Tiny Canadian Justin Bieber is causing a ruckus in his Southern California neighborhood and his neighbors have had enough. The residents of sleepy Calabasas (home also to Kardashians and other assorted reality devils), particularly those who live near Bieber, are fed up with the small menace for screeching around their neighborhood at all hours in his Ferrari, endangering the lives of pedestrians and dogs and whatever else might be on the streets as he zooms down them at a prickish 100 mph. Things have gotten so bad that a neighbor went to Justin's house to complain and was, he claims, battered by the diminutive singer. Justin's people claim that the guy was upset about party noise, but the guy says he actually doesn't really care about the parties. (Which were happening while Justin was overseas.) He was mad about the loud, dangerous hot-dogging going on all the time. And then Justin battered him. Allegedly. So what's going on here? Is it possible that a 19-year-old kid with extreme fame and endless reserves of money is acting like a royal ponce because he thinks he can? I know that sounds unlikely but I kind of feel like that's maybe what's going on. Who really knows, though. Maybe his neighbor is just jealous. Isn't that what they say? That the haters are always jealous? I'm not convinced. Justin Bieber sounds like a jerk. [TMZ]
Look, Jon Hamm has a sense of humor, but all these jokes about his enormous private parts — which started because of a report that the brass at AMC has instructed him to start wearing underwear while filming Mad Men because his enormity was on clear display — have gotten to be too much for him. "Most of it's tongue-in-cheek, but it is a little rude. It just speaks to a broader freedom that people feel like they have — a prurience," he told Rolling Stone. Right, OK, makes sense. "I mean, it's not like I'm a f---ing lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my c--k, I feel like that wasn't part of the deal [of fame]." Which... I mean, he got famous in like 2007/2008. Call me crazy, but wasn't that exactly the deal [of fame] around then? Remember "Paris Hilton"? I agree that it's weird that people are making Tumblrs about his tumescence, but come on. What'd you expect? Just wear underpants at work. Case closed. [Us Weekly]
A Game of Thrones character had his ear bitten off in a fight. Oh, wait, no sorry, that's Game of Thrones *actor.* Yeah, ironically it's the guy from the north whose fingers were bitten off by a direwolf. But don't worry, they sewed the ear back on. The fingers are gone, though. But that's just in the show. That's not real. Just the ear biting. That is real. I know, it's hard to keep track. [Page Six]
Actress Hayden Panettiere and professional boxer Wladimir Klitschko are secretly engaged, reports say. Which would be interesting. I mean, yes, she is only 23 and he is 37 and that is a significant age difference, but what's more interesting is that he is 9' 10" and she is two feet tall. He is a very enormous man and she is a very tiny woman. And, yes, we've all thought about the logistics of the act of doing it, but Panettiere herself has assured us in the past that that particular matter is fine. What I'm really thinking is that if they get married and share a home and a life together, they will have to get all different sizes of things! Different levels of kitchen counters, one tiny toilet and one enormous one, ears of baby corn and ears of regular corn. It's like Thumbelina and Paul Bunyan getting married. Lots of logistical problems. But, hey, whatever. Good luck to 'em. [Us Weekly]
The Duggars, the family from TLC's 19 Kids and Counting, are thinking about adopting one or more new babies. Meaning they'd have twenty-plus kids potentially. Which... That's great that they would be taking a kid out of the foster system or an orphanage (ignorant question, but do proper orphanages still exist?) and bringing him or her into a life of relative privilege and stuff, but... Twenty kids is a lot of kids! More than twenty kids is even more kids. Sure a lot of them are grown-ish now and don't need too much taking care of, but still. What if the Duggars gave the money they would spend on the kid to a childless couple and then they raised the adopted baby? Just so that kid would get a little more attention and the Duggars would have the burden off them. Not to mention not adding to that carbon footprint. If you've seen that show you know that they are throwing out lots and lots of things after every meal. I know it would just be transferring that impact over to another family, but still. At least the Duggars themselves wouldn't be responsible for quite as much. I don't know. The Duggars, man. The freakin Duggars. [Daily Mail]
New Jersey governor Chris Christie was asked recently about the impending visit of Britain's sex ambassador Prince Harry, who will be touring areas affected by Superstorm Sandy, and he jokingly said that he'll keep an eye on the prince and that he won't let him get into any Vegas-style shenanigans. Which, ha ha, very cute. But, really, this was just Christie's way of bragging about hanging out with Prince Harry. He said on a radio show, "If you trust me, all will be fine … during his entire trip, I will be with Prince Harry." Then he added, "I'm thrilled that he wants to come and see the destruction himself first hand and he wants to be helpful. And I'm going to be spending the entire day with Prince Harry." OK, guy, we get it. You get to spend the whooole day with Prince Harry and we don't. No need to rub it in. Jeez. "I get to spend hours and hours with Prince Harry and we're gonna talk and maybe touch hands and it's going to be great. The whole day, me and Prince Harry. And not you." Quiet, Christie. [The Daily Beast]