So, just like the show Lost, we've now seen the white and black smoke, met the new leader, and yet we still have no idea how we got here, really. Which is to say: the Pope watch is officially over, and thank God for that. Things got kind of embarrassing near the end.
The constant cable news coverage over the last few days was bit much considering no one knew anything about what was happening in the conclave, probably the last place on Earth without an embedded source, or hackable wi-fi. It led to some pretty embarrassing moments on TV:
In the age of the 24 news cycle, an absolutely-closed door meeting of cardinals is the last possible thing that should be dominating the coverage. It seemed like every major network had their own dedicated papal chimney live stream going so you, too, could follow along every few hours from home. It led to some pretty ridiculous memes, like today's infatuation with a seagull that was perched on top of the chimney for an hour or so. Eventually, another seagull friend came and shooed him away. Away from our hearts, and Twitter accounts, forever.
In the mean time, papal officials had to satisfy reporters' hunger for stories by revealing the inner most Da Vinci Code worthy secrets of the church -- like, for example, how exactly the black and white smoke gets made. (Hint: stop it with the bong jokes. Weed isn't involved.) They had a sense of humor about it, thankfully, and laughed the silly questions off. But they also had to answer stupid questions like whether or not the smoke would harm the cardinals or the artwork in the Sistine Chapel. They've been doing this literally for centuries, and yet some reporter thought that was pertinent question, as if that never would have come up before. As if this was the first conclave, ever. The reporter must've been a Protestant.