Katie Holmes and the Baby-Shaking Trial

Today in celebrity news: Katie Holmes heads to a trial in Queens, Britney Spears is leaving television, and Charlie Sheen sends a strange, sad check. 

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Here's one of my favorite gossip items of the year, just because it is so strange. Former prisoner of Xenu Inc. Katie Holmes was spotted at Queens Supreme Court in Kew Gardens yesterday, sitting in the gallery for the trial of a man accused of shaking his baby to death. Yes, Katie went all the way to Queens to sit in the audience and watch that trial. Her reasoning? Apparently she is friends with the prosecutor, Leigh Bishop. Yup, Katie Holmes went to support her friend at her big trial. Which... um, Katie, this isn't opening night of How I Learned to Drive at the local college. This is a trial for a man who might have killed his baby. Isn't that peculiar? "I want to see you at work!!" "Well, I've got this big baby murder case coming up..." "Ohh! Perfect! I'll be there!" I think it's great that Katie has friends who aren't in the Hollyweird world, and that she wants to support them in their endeavors, but making some splash by showing up at a baby murder trial? I dunno. I just don't know. For its oddness and its localness, though, this is a very good bit of news. [Page Six]

Britney Spears is leaving The X Factor after one year of judging the little-watched singing competition show, claiming she wants to focus more on her music. Of course the real scuttlebutt is that she was about to be fired, dropped from the roster because she didn't provide the juicy stuff the producers thought she was going to. Meaning, she acted like a reasonable adult instead of the sloppy mess they were hoping for, so she got the axe. Sad state of affairs in this country, when someone loses their job because they got their life in order. I feel bad for Britney, I really do. I mean, all she made out of this was $15 million and six months worth of press. The poor thing. What will she do now?? Oh, record another album and go on tour. I see. Well, fine then. [Us Weekly]

So, remember that paparazzo who got killed recently on the highway after snapping some pictures of what he thought was Justin Bieber getting pulled over? Well, yeah, that poor guy died, and because of the high-profile nature of the story, a very rich person wants to help with the funeral expenses. A very rich person named Charlie Sheen. Yes, the same guy who paid off some of Lindsay Lohan's taxes for her has written a check to the photog's mother for $12,000, writing, rather amazingly, on the memo line: "Funeral donation (RIP)" Oh, man. Look, that was very nice of him, very weird but very considerate, but... "(RIP)." Oof if that is not that saddest little afterthought of a thing. Or not an afterthought, but, something. How does one express condolences on a check? One writes "(RIP)" after "Funeral donation," I guess. Man, oh, man. Imagine that. Sigh. I hope it goes to good use, anyway. (RIP) [TMZ]

Taylor Swift has breasts, America. And she's not afraid to show parts of them. [Us Weekly]

The Queen of England, her Majesty Elizabeth Bobizabth Banana Fanna Fo Fizzabeth, has declared that should her grandson William and his pregnant bride Kate have a girl, that that child will be called Princess. You see, prior to this ruling, tradition stated that only the first son of the first son of the king or queen could be called Prince. But now, because it is two-thousand and goddang thirteen, the Queen has seen fit to change the gender-biased rules of succession and title and said, "You wanna call my great-granddaughter Princess? You go right ahead." That's a big deal! If you're some mournful ghost roaming Westminster Abbey, lamenting the lost traditional days of old, at least. "Oh, heavens, the monarchy!" you wail, gliding over Chaucer's grave. "What has happened to our nobility??" Otherwise it's really no big deal, who cares. We just want to meet that baby, whatever it's called. [People]

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