Today in celebrity gossip: America's most hated couple has headed to England, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez might be over, and Naomi Campbell was mugged.
Hello, welcome to 2013. Obviously we all have robot sex butlers now and fly to work on aeroscooters, but some things haven't changed since the old days. For example, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt still continue to function as nominal human beings. Yes, though we thought we sealed the two villains from MTV's The Hills into carbonite some years ago, they have either escaped or we never actually did that, because they are now appearing on the United Kingdom's version of Celebrity Big Brother. Yes, shockingly the U.K. still has a Celebrity Big Brother and Heidi and Spencer, or "Speidi" as your annoying aunt still calls them, are still considered "celebrities," by this show's standards anyway. They started the show yesterday, competing as a "single entity," because that must feel good for them, and have already been sent to live in the basement. They're on the show with some British soap actors, a football player, a model, and a guy who stars on a show called Beaver Falls and has this haircut. So they'll probably fit right in, if they ever get out of the basement, that is. And that's that, folks. Hey, at least they're overseas. Can't we do some kind of thing where we refuse to let them back in the country? And obviously the U.K. won't let them back in either, so they'll be stuck between countries and will have to go live in Guyana or the Principality of Sealand or something? We can figure this out. No slight to the good people of Guyana, but, y'know, they've let crazy American people in before, so we just thought... Anyway. Heidi and Spencer. Still around. How about that. [Us Weekly]
We're a little late on this but it of course needs to be covered so here it is: It seems that Justin Bieber, future Canadian prime minister once those filthy tweens get the vote, and Selena Gomez, a wizard from Greenwich Village, have split up. Again. Yes, the couple that launched a thousand paparazzi flotillas was to spend New Year's together in Mexico but got in some sort of epic fight on the 30th and Justin flew to a hotel in Los Angeles and that's it. Of course, these idiots — I mean, kids — have split up before, so who knows if this will stick, but for right now? Yeah, they're done. Meaning Bieber is free to call his groupie service and do whatever his faith allows and Gomez might be able to get with someone who doesn't look like wet pasta. I guess that's win-win for them, but I'm sure they're sad about it. They're babies! Babies get sad about things. I'm putting money on them getting back together, but of course there's no way to tell but to wait and see. The heads and hearts of youngsters are fickle, mercurial things. One day someone is the love of a lifetime, the next they're some jerk with a cell number they need to delete. But tomorrow it could be love and noodly hugs all over again! Things move fast down there, in Child World. [New York Daily News]