Culture

Coachella 2013 Lineup: How to Complain

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blur, The Stone Roses, and Phoenix have been confirmed as this year's official Coachella headliners. And judging from online reaction, there are already a lot of ways to whine about this year's lineup. 

By David Wagner
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This article is from the archive of our partner .

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blur, The Stone Roses, and Phoenix have been confirmed as this year's official Coachella headliners. Now that the lineup is finally out—having been released by festival organizers Goldenvoice late last night—the Internet scorn machine is starting to lodge complaints. As is tradition every year, online reaction to Coachella 2013's programming has been a mixture of unrestrained excitement and unfiltered rage. And judging from what dissenters are saying, the ways to complain about this year's lineup are as numerous as the celebrities who show up each year wearing ugly hats and ironic face paint.

What happened to The Rolling Stones?

Rule number one about Coachella rumors is don't trust Coachella rumors. However, as far as gossip goes, early hints about a Rolling Stones appearance made the classic rockers seem like a shoe-in for this year's festival. The band's official smartphone app briefly listed a tour date that lined up with Coachella, and Keith Richards had dropped winking hints that the band might be up for the show. Coachella organizers got the ball rolling even faster when they sent out this symbolic (?) photo:

It's a Stone, Rolling through the Coachella Valley—right? "No," clarified those teases at Goldenvoice this morning:

And what happened to Daft Punk? 

A suspicious email was supposedly circulated to Songkick's concert listing subscribers, foretelling a set from French robot-house duo Daft Punk. But they're nowhere to be found on the official lineup. Again, the lesson here seems to be that Coachella rumors shouldn't be trusted (we warned you).

Really, the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

It's not like this is the first year Coachella is cashing in on '90s nostalgia. But nevertheless, the Twitterazzi have a valid point about the Red Hot Chili Peppers not being the freshest choice of headliner. No matter how you personally feel about Flea and the gang, we know Neil Hamburger won't be attending.

Lots of these bands are missing crucial members.

Sure, Coachella 2013 attendees will get to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers and New Order—but in diluted form. Guitarist John Frusciante left his funk-rock brethren behind years ago, and bad blood led to bassist Peter Hook's departure from New Order.

This might have been a really great festival ... in Europe.

Between Friday's Britpop double-whammy and Saturday's spotlight on French band Phoenix, this huge American festival has a pretty European focus. Last year, only one non-American group (Radiohead) had a headlining spot. And in 2011, Canada's Arcade Fire shared top billing with Kanye, The Strokes, and The Black Keys. Plenty of festival-goers love artists regardless of what country they're from, sure—but this year's line-up could've been ripped straight from the handbills for big U.K. gatherings like Glastonbury or T in the Park. Where's the home-grown talent?

The choice of headliners is pretty rockist.

If you read the small print, you'll see a good number of DJs, rappers, and other artists who aren't guitar-slingers. But the men Coachella put at the top this year (they're all men) invariably play some take on rock. The festival has some hip hop (Wu-Tang Clan, Earl Sweatshirt, 2 Chainz), some EDM (TNGHT, Bassnectar, Baauer), and a few electronic acts (Grimes, The Postal Service, Purity Ring). But headliners always make the strongest statement, and the statement Coachella 2013 makes is guitars reign supreme.

Needs more holograms.

Hologram Tupac at Coachella 2012. Never forget.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.