Ke$ha's Newtown Blues

Today in celebrity news: The "singer" has unfortunate timing with her hit song, Justin Timberlake discovers SantaCon, and Donald Trump gets what he deserves.

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"Singer" Ke$ha, she of the heavily practiced carefreeness and party-tude, has a new song out called "Die Young," one that had been doing pretty well on the radio, but in the wake of that phrase becoming all too much of a reality after the school shooting in Newtown, the song has been rapidly plummeting on the charts. Radio stations are pulling the tune from their rotations, at a rate not seen since the Dixie Chicks had the temerity to say something bad about George Bush all those years ago. That's according to whatever "music expert" TMZ shook awake at some sad bar on Hollywood Boulevard, but still. Unfortunate timing for the singer, who is launching her second-album "I'm legit" campaign, one that had largely been succeeding. I suppose this is what happens when you court controversy with a song glorifying dying young, however metaphorical that phrase is meant to be in that song. It's extremely hard, actually impossible, to feel bad for Ke$ha here, but it is an interesting thing that's happening nonetheless. [TMZ]

Oh, no, Donald Trump has won something. He's been, or his weird pageants have been, awarded $5 million in arbitration after a former Miss USA contestant spoke out, on the Today show and elsewhere, against the pageant, implying that the contest is rigged. The formal way she put it was "fraudulent, lacking in morals, inconsistent and in many ways trashy." Which, that is absolutely the language that will ensure you are sunk when you get sued. "And in many ways trashy." That was allowed into a formal statement, by grownup professionals? In many ways trashy. Not in all ways trashy, but in many ways, yes, trashy. Putting "in many ways" before "trashy" doesn't make "trashy" any more excusable. "In many ways trashy." So, yeah, a judge awarded the pageant company $5 million, but who knows how this Sheena Monnin will pay it. Look, I hate to see Donald Trump win anything, but he sorta deserved this one, if only because of "in many ways trashy." That's the dumbest phrase I've heard used in a professional setting in a long time. Whoever signed off on that phrase deserves to pay a fine. Five million dollars might be a bit steep, but I guess them's the breaks. [Page Six]

Hey! Alyssa Milano is 40! Or, at least she will be, tomorrow. But, yeah, the little girl from Who's the Boss will be 40 tomorrow, and had a surprise party in West Hollywood over the weekend to celebrate that fact. Which makes you old. It might make you 20, it might make you 60, but no matter what, that Sam Micelli is 40 years old makes you old. Everyone's old, guys. Sorry. It happened. Time passed. Oops. No one is that charmed. Father Time is the boss. I know you fear it, but it's what happened. (Those are things that Alyssa Milano has been in, hidden in each sentence.) Mind you, Alyssa Milano still looks about 27, but she is in fact going to be 40 tomorrow. She is not old! No, Alyssa Milano isn't old. You are old. That's how this works. Just thought you should know. [Us Weekly]

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are apparently enjoying married life in New York City, hanging out at Goldbar in Soho on Sunday night. (Page Six calls it Little Italy, which I guess might be correct, but really at this point Little Italy is only Mulberry Street, and Goldbar is not on Mulberry Street.) They were listening to a DJ and requesting songs and having a grand old time. But the most important part of this story is that earlier in the weekend Justin Timberlake discovered SantaCon, and instead of being repulsed by it, as he should have been, he was totally intrigued/tickled/whatever. He tweeted about it, saying "The whole Lower East Side of NY looks like Invasion Of The Drunken Santas!" and then "I'm not missing out on this next year..." So did you hear that, drunken Santa fools? JT's gonna be hanging out with you next year. And by "hanging out" I mean he's going to be in a mansion in the sky while wearing a Santa suit. Because, sadly, Justin Timberlake doesn't get to do normal, or "normal," things like SantaCon. Sorry, Justin. If you really meant it, I mean. Sorry that you cannot cavort around New York City, drunk in a Santa suit. You'd get mobbed, it wouldn't be fun, other people who want the attention of running up Second Avenue in Santa suits wouldn't get it because, oops, there's Justin Timberlake. It just wouldn't work. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone for everything. Justin Timberlake does not get a normal life. We should not get SantaCon. And yet we do. That's just how things worked out. [Page Six]

Zooey Deschanel is officially divorced from Death Cab for Cutie singer Ben Gibbard. They've been split up for a long while, but legally speaking, it's now really officially done. Does that make you sad? Are there people who still cared? Like, "hipster" jokes about these two over-30 adults aren't really funny anymore, but maybe somewhere someone thinks they are? So Zooey Deschanel, kewpie-eyed creature of song, and Ben Gibbard, sensitive-voiced soft singer, being divorced might make those people sad somehow. It's possible. Those people might exist, somewhere. But for the most part, what's done is done. Nothing we can say or do about it now. They're on to other people, other lives. The '00s are over. [People]

Here is a picture of Twilight mini-hunk Taylor Lautner playing some sort of sporting game with former governor's son Patrick Schwarzenegger. I guess the game was football. Lautner has fancy gloves on, because he's serious about his football. Patrick Schwarzenegger is wearing a long T-shirt that he uses sometimes as a nightgown. Both look goofy. Taylor Lautner is growing some sort of beard. Ha, no, an actual beard made of hair on his face. I wonder who won? Other than us, I mean. [Us Weekly]

Lindsay Lohan clogged her toilet while filming Scary Movie 5. With what, we do not know. But it apparently happened. The world is a mean, gross place. [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.