Katie Holmes Goes Bust on Broadway

Today in celebrity news: It's an early close on the White Way for Katie Holmes, Taylor Swift and Harry Styles and Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez all go skiing, and Nick Stahl got in some embarrassing trouble.

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Producers of Katie Holmes's Broadway play Dead Accounts, a dark family comedy by Theresa Rebeck, have announced that the show will be closing nearly two months early, wrapping up on January 6 instead of the planned February 24. Obviously the press release about the matter doesn't mention any reasons, but we can assume the show is closing because of poor ticket sales. January is a notoriously difficult frozen tundra for many a Broadway show to traverse, and Dead Accounts just didn't have it. So the cast is being spared the agony of trying. And that's the end for Holmes's Broadway experiment number two, one that's made her the toast of a certain kind of Manhattan but not, it would seem, a theater superstar. We hope she still stays in New York and continues to try at theater, because all of it suits her better than any flashy L.A. life would, but who knows what the future holds. Maybe she'll move to Europe and relish in her wealth with her daughter. Maybe she'll disappear back to Ohio, seeking a more humble life there in the gilded buckle of the Rust Belt. Who knows?! She can do anything she wants. But we hope she stays. Lots of Broadway shows close early. There's no shame in that. It's the nature of the theatah. [Playbill]

What fresh hell? What demonry? Did Taylor Swift and Harry Styles host Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez on a skiing trip? It seems they might have, as the foursome was spotted over the weekend in Park City, Utah, copulating like young bunnies right there in the middle of the street. Well, no, OK, that's not what they were doing, they were probably just walking around and playing Pogs or whatever children do these days. And, hmm, they stayed in separate rented houses, and Styles and Swift went skiing without the other two. After a lesson, Gomez did eventually hit the slopes (it is a prerequisite that, in a celebrity item about skiing, you use the term "hit the slopes," because it sounds fun and familiar and playful but is actually easy hackery), while Bieber "went snowboarding with his bodyguards." Poor kid. Can't go snowboarding with his friends Dax and JT and Zane and Louboutin or whatever dumb kids are named these days. He has to go snowboarding with his old bodyguards. Swift and Styles were seen eating lunch together in town, not with Bieber and Gomez, so I suppose it is possible that they just happened to be there at the same time, and weren't on a Four Seasons-esque couples vacation that would turn tragicomic by Sunday afternoon. It's possible that both silly couples just had the same brilliant idea at the same time, to go out to Utah for some winter fun. Meanwhile, the rest of teen America borrowed their parents' car and went and smoked weed in a parking lot, or whatever kids are doing these days. (I'm pretty sure it's exactly that.) [People]

Speaking of Four Seasons-esque couples trips, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux did, definitively, host John Krasinski and Emily Blunt and Jimmy Kimmel and his wife on a trip to Cabo San Lucas earlier this week. They might still be there! The sixsome was photographed hanging out on the deck at Jen and Justin's house, Blunt reclining in Krasinski's arms and Kimmel and his wife apparently sitting on the floor. Get them a chair! Supposedly everyone had a great, rousing conversation and stayed there until sunset, after which they all went to go do the dirty work for the cartels that had brought them to Mexico. But before all that burning and chopping and screaming, they all chilled out on the deck and talked and laughed and got things from a servant. Isn't that nice? Couples hanging out together, getting along, everyone cool and rich and having a good go at life. Meanwhile, the rest of married middle age-ish Americans smiled brittle smiles as their children played with their new Christmas toys, the pained rictuses only barely masking a swirling worry about how the gifts were actually going to be paid for. Credit cards are great and all, but eventually the Visa man comes a'collectin' and it might be a bloody battle to the end this time. [Us Weekly]

Oh, dear. Child/teen actor turned troubled adult Nick Stahl was arrested for lewd conduct in a pornography store yesterday, that conduct of course being his staging of a protest on behalf of the Westboro Baptist Church. Well, no, OK, sigh, he was, y'know, doing things to himself. Sexual things. Look, do you want me to draw you a map? The guy was taking matters into his own hands, yankin' the ol' crank, stopping by wood on a snowy evening. You get it. And you just cannot do that in public, no siree. Stahl is now out of the clink, telling an awful TMZ cameraman that it was just a misunderstanding before disappearing into the night. So who knows what's next for him? Could be anything! Though, the outlook doesn't look too bright, does it now? [TMZ]

Anne Hathaway, reigning queen of faux humility, told an interviewer recently that she thinks the take of "I Dreamed a Dream" that director Tom Hooper used in Les Misérablesis is simply "Eh." Yeah, that's what she said when asked what she thought of the final cut of that scene. "Eh." Christ on a cracker, this lady. Right? This one. "Eh." There is no way in heaven she actually thinks the scene is "Eh" — she's just saying that to mitigate some of the Oscar pressure lest she do the unthinkable and actually lose the damn thing. Which she won't. It's hers. I suppose it maybe could be Sally Field's, but c'mon. It's Hathaway's. It's as big a lock as Jennifer Hudson's was. People love giving musical ladies supporting actor trophies. It's just something they really enjoy doing. "Eh." Oh, shut up with "Eh." Enough of this nonsense. Whose idea was Anne Hathaway? I mean, just in general? Because I would like to speak to them and maybe try to explain to them just what a gravely bad thing they've done. Someone get me that person on the phone. These words need saying. [The Hollywood Reporter]

That strange popping sound you heard a little while ago was all teen girls in the world winking out of existence at the sight of Justin Bieber holding a baby at a basketball game. Yeah, Biebs was at a Clippers game, I guess post-Park City, and had one of the players' sons on his lap. So, if you do know a teen girl who hasn't yet skipped into the next dimension, don't show her this photo, because she will vanish in a mist of pheromones and lip gloss smell so fast you won't know what hit you. Keep teen girls away from this photo! It is dangerous and should be locked in the vault under Mount Rushmore where they keep that video of the boys from One Direction petting a kitten. Certain things are too dangerous to be in this world. And this here photo is one of them. [TMZ]

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