Readers who like their books hot will likely spot one glaring omission on Literary Review's new shortlist for this year's Bad Sex in Fiction Award: E.L. James's Fifty Shades series, you see, was never really even in contention, since it's shelved under erotica, apparently. Literary Review senior editor Jonathan Beckman told the Atlantic Wire via email: "Fifty Shades of Grey does not qualify because the awards are literary novels – pornography and erotica are expressly excluded." But the difference between "literary fiction" and "erotica" can get fuzzy when you get down to it. Can you tell these steamy Fifty Shades excerpts apart from those actually in contention for this year's dubious achievement? A fun quiz — you know, for the long weekend (answers below):
A. "She smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding; and he is the spoon, the whipped cream, the helpless dollop of warm custard. She steams. He applauds, his tongue hanging out (like a bloodhound espying a raw chop in a cartoon)."
B. "He tastes of white wine and apple pie..."
C. "Suddenly he grabs me, tipping me across his lap. With one smooth movement, he angles his body so my torso is resting on the bed beside him. He throws his right leg over both mine and plants his left forearm on the small of my back, holding me down so I cannot move."