Don't Even Think of Eating at Guy Fieri's New Times Square Restaurant

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New York Times food critic Pete Wells published a review of Guy's American Bar and Grill, the latest concept from Food Network-famous walking hot rod Guy Fieri, that's composed entirely of questions. And it's awesome. The review, that is. The restaurant sounds absolutely horrible.

We didn't exactly expect four stars for Fieri's Times Square location. Other outlets have said the spot "won't kill you (immediately)" and described the offerings as "the end-product of our struggle to extract edible elements from heaps of sugar and sludge masquerading as normal food." One Yelp reviewer invites readers to "imagine an 11-year old boy designing a menu" and then "imagine the food served with the apathy of a New York MTA worker." Another reviewer found it odd that "there are TVs in the bathroom screening [Fieri's] shows." But Wells really drives the point home.

You need to read the New York Times review yourself. As an appetizer, of sorts, we've selected a few of our favorite Pete Wells curiosities from his experience at Guy's American Bar and Grill. If you've found yourself in this Times Square food factory, the critic wants to know:

  • "Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex?" 
  • "Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?"
  • "When you hung that sign by the entrance that says, WELCOME TO FLAVOR TOWN!, were you just messing with our heads?"
  • "Somewhere within the yawning, three-level interior of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, is there a long refrigerated tunnel that servers have to pass through to make sure that the French fries, already limp and oil-sogged, are also served cold?"
  • "Is the entire restaurant a very expensive piece of conceptual art? Is the shapeless, structureless baked alaska that droops and slumps and collapses while you eat it, or don’t eat it, supposed to be a representation in sugar and eggs of the experience of going insane?"

We just want to know: Have you ever watched Guy Fieri's TV show? If yes, are you at all surprised?

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.