The Bronze (Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Just as The Bronze changed from underage teen hangout to grownup bar full of grownup drinks and sex and stuff, you are good at evolving to meet your circumstances. You live in a college town, you maybe even have a college job, admissions or something, you're pretty settled and low-key, but you still cling to some emblem of your old rebellious phases — dyed hair, heavy combat boots, etc. You send a lot of Someecards, usually the especially dark and sardonic ones. You don't "party" much, you'd rather read a reasonably mainstream graphic novel at a coffee shop or "ironically" go to Costco for your second time this week. (You secretly love it, the process of it, the organization of it.) It turns out that semi-suburban domesticated living is way more to your liking than you ever would have insisted when you were nineteen. But that's what people do. They change, they grow up, they learn new things about the world and factor them into themselves. You still feel like a Buffy badass, but in truth the baddest thing you ever did was slowly and quietly admit to yourself that you like to be good.
The Dot (Degrassi: The Next Generation). Technically The Dot is a cafe, not a bar, but high school kids can't legally drink, even in wild Canada, so this has to count as their local bar. If this is your favorite, it likely means that you have a Tumblr and a Twitter and you love pop culture. Not in the nerdy Moe's way, more in the "I love to watch trash reality TV and make jokes about it" way. You're a giggler, it's fun to make fun of things, but inside you lurks a lot of swooniness. You love the first kiss in movies, especially when it's the cool one and the not-cool one, girl or guy, who fall for each other. That's always the best. You didn't go to a top college but it was pretty good, maybe Franklin & Marshall or GW or somewhere like that. You live in an apartment that your parents help pay for a little bit, and you have a job, probably in media, that is almost the job that you want but that is a big "almost," and some days the dream feels so terribly far away. You went to Paris last year and had a little too much wine the first night and got pretty sick and felt awful the next day because as much as you talk a big carefree game, you're not quite a free-wheeling as you'd like to be. There's an old timidity that you developed early on that's created a frailty you still can't quite shake. That's why you like it so much in the not-quite-real world, where you can watch your shows and tweet your jokes and no one will see the real you, curled up and quiet, not doing much of anything.
That Bushwick Warehouse (Girls). Maybe this is not a bar, per se, but there's booze and boys and girls, so it's nearly synonymous with a bar, no? If you agree with that statement you are the sort of person who might, spur of the moment, accidentally smoke crack and then run down the street skirtless with a man who only hopes to help you but you think is trying to kill you and, regardless, will eventually fall in love with you in hot pursuit. No, sillies, that's a plot in the episode! In actuality, you're someone who lives in a city, possibly Brooklyn or the lower regions of Manhattan, and you are, most likely, in your 20s or early 30s. You may not have lived where you do for very long, but the time you've spent there, you've really lived, you know? You put Sriracha on everything. You spend more money than you can afford on things that are sparkly, tasty, or fun.You march to the beat of your own drummer, which is to say, you don't even listen to bands that incorporate drums, because percussion is for the olds. Your proudest possession is a jar of rainbow-colored sand you got that week spent on the beach with your family in fourth grade, before your parents divorced, when you experienced your first kiss and later puked on the roller coaster (or vice versa) and afterward, in either chronology, everything was forever different. Sometimes you look at that wee jar, backlit in the glow of traffic on the BQE, and you remember, and there is a tear, but you wipe it away quickly with a deli napkin scrounged from the floor and go have drinks with your pals. There's a party to attend to.
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