Katie Holmes Is Finished with Actors

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Katie wants to meet artists instead of actors, Jennifer Aniston wants her ex-mother-in-law at her wedding, and Paris Hilton is schooling us all in how to live. 

Newly single city gal Katie Holmes, who lives in swinging Chelsea and rides the IND line, is definitely on the market for a fella, but she's got one new rule: No more actors! She's dated and married 'em in the past of coure, but it's never worked out. So she's thinking she'll try a new angle: artists. She's being brought around town to various art galleries by her partner at the dressmaking business she's got cooking, Jeanne Yang. This Yang character thinks Katie would do well with a nice "unassuming artist," which is sort of a strange thing to say, because most artists are not exactly "unassuming" or even, y'know, stable type people. Plenty are! Certainly plenty are. But saying "No, I'm not going to date another actor, it never works" and then going to artists? Katie, dear, what about, like, an accountant. And I don't mean some flashy accountant (ha, does such a thing exist?) who works with lots of money and rolls with the finance crowd. I mean an accountant named Stanley with a stack of papers in a musty office in Astoria who mostly works with little old ladies. That seems like a right-sized change of pace. Or what about a high school math teacher with an ex-wife named Debbie and a surly teenage son who hates him named Zack who lives in Teaneck and has had the same pair of glasses for twenty years? That seems nice and unassuming. Basically what I'm saying is dream bigger, Katie. Expand your horizons. Think way outside the box. An artist isn't so different from an actor. But Gary the dentist who lives in that condo in Yonkers? That's your ticket. [Radar]

Whatever hex that Jennifer Aniston placed on her fiance Justin Theroux is holding strong, as the couple was spotted on Saturday night having a romantic meal at Justin's beloved Chateau Marmont. They sat in a corner table, canoodling and cuddling and whatever else people in love do at dinner, and then they held hands when they left and zoomed back up to whatever mansion on whatever hill they're currently living in. Once back at the house, Jennifer's smile faded a bit as she led Justin to the small, darkened room where she keeps him and closed the door, locking it from the outside. She stood listening at the door for a moment to make sure he hadn't bumped into anything and fallen down, as people in these kinds of trances sometimes do, but quickly figured everything fine, so went to go continue wedding preparations. One of the things she's doing in prep is, gasp, inviting her ex Brad Pitt's mother, Jane, to the wedding. Apparently they are, or were, very close, so Aniston felt it only right to have her at this new wedding. You'll remember that Jane Pitt is that lady who wrote that sorta trifling letter to her local newspaper a while back, so she should be a fun party guest. That doesn't mean Brad is going with her, of course, though you have to wonder if, as she puts Jane down for a plus one, Aniston maybe closes her eyes and imagines. [Us Weekly; The Sun]

They say that living well is the best revenge, and, welp, I'm not sure who exactly Paris Hilton feels she needs revenge against, but she was recently photographed in a gleaming red Ferrari and walking hand-in-hand with her 21-year-old Spanish model boyfriend, so, yup. OK, Paris, you win. This round, anyway. Surely there will be some new misguided music album or horrid quote or something and people will forget all about your triumph on this day. But for now, yes, a tip of the hat. [Daily Mail]

It seems that Russell Crowe and his partner for almost twenty years, and wife for nine, Danielle Spencer, have split up. There was some speculation that things were in trouble early this summer when Spencer was seen out with her dance partner from Australian Dancing With the Stars, but then weeks later Crowe was seen giving her an affectionate hello at LAX. But now it seems official. The couple has two young children together, who will now presumably become reverse Home Children and will be sent to England to sell tickets to musicals or something. No, no, that's a terrible thing to even joke about. They'll be fine. Any telephones in Russell Crowe's vicinity for the next little while might be in danger, but the kids will be fine. [People]

Cool person Kim Kardashian tweeted a cool picture in a cool Halloween costume, coolly, over the weekend. The costume is sexy leopard with a hole in its guts. Or something? See it's a skintight leopard-print (or cheetah-print, who knows) jumpsuit but with a big hole cut in the midsection that's been covered with black netting so you can see her stomach and lots of her breastal region. Maybe it's meant to emulate the white, un-patterned underside or belly of a leopard, but I don't know. That seems strange. It should be white then, not black netting. Here's the weird thing that I think, and call me crazy if you must: I think this Halloween costume is a deliberate effort to make the wearer look "sexy." I know that's crazy, that Halloween is a whimsical, childlike time that would never be reduced to an excuse for grown-ass adults to wear stupid costumes that are either obnoxious pop culture references or some unseemly effort to titillate, and then get smear-facedly drunk in them while braying on the street. That would never actually happen to Halloween. But that's sort of what Kim Kardashian's costume implies. Who knows, maybe she'll start a trend. [Us Weekly]

That Joe the Plumber guy who's making some hilarious ill-fated bid for Congress recently bailed on a debate with his opponent and hasn't even, like, ordered signs or stickers or anything traditionally associated with a political campaign. Ohio Republicans can't even track him down. Well, sure, because he's off plumbing. Hm? What's that? He wasn't even ever a licensed plumber? Oh, OK, well then he's off... Joe-ing... Say again? His name's not Joe? Ah, OK. Well, then, y'know, he's probably... He's probably sitting in a ditch somewhere holding a jar of jelly and calling John McCain's old cellphone number to ask Gramps Arizona why he abandoned his favorite son so cruelly. [Wonkette]

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