Today in celebrity gossip: Hollywood experimenter James Franco has a new thing he's doing, Justin and Jessica are indeed married, and Michael Lohan continues to be irritating.
Exhausting actor James Franco is conducting yet another of his little experiments in fame and celebrity, this time by dating an actress from Pretty Little Liars. Yes, he's finding out what will happen when an Oscar-nominated actor is seen out and about with Ashley Benson, one of the stars of ABC Family's soapy teen mystery show. We ought to receive experimental results soon, as the pair has been spotted together recently, doing things like walking through Washington Square Park a few weeks ago and holding each other's hands at the Hollywood Haunted Hayride last week. Whoa wait, they went to a haunted hayride together? James Franco took an actress who plays a high school student to some silly Halloween thing? What's next, making out under the bleachers? Kissing on a stuck ferris wheel? Tedious sticky fumblings in the backseats of cars? How far is this latest experiment going to go before Franco gets bored again and decides to, I dunno, become an explorer or a veterinarian or learn how to do the tightrope or something? You never can tell with this guy. One minute he's becoming a professional magician, the next he wants to be a BMX biker. He never follows through on anything! We buy him all this equipment, sign him up for class after class, but the minute he gets bored he's onto something else, like getting sixteen graduate degrees at once or making short movies about gay naked basketball. And now he's doing some high school thing with that poor girl from that dumb show. Soon she'll be out there on the back porch in the pile with everything else. The unicycle, the stilts, the tennis racquet, the clarinet, that brochure for dental school, the boots from those astronaut lessons he took. She'll just be another thing he dropped when he got distracted by something else. This month it's all happiness and hayrides, next it's Civil War reenactment or ballet or some other impetuous thing. You just wish he'd follow through on one damn thing. [Page Six]
So, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel got married in Italy on Friday, we know this. People magazine will have exclusive details of the affair on Wednesday, supposedly, but for now we are left desperately speculating in the dark. How did it all go down? Who was there? What'd she wear? Etc. etc. Us Weekly has provided us with a "timeline" of events, but it's dumb because it just goes over old information we already knew, like, 1981: Justin Timberlake was born in Tennessee. Well, no, it doesn't go back that far, but it does go to the beginning of the month, which we don't need, because we already remember that. We want a timeline of the actual day, which of course we don't get. In fact there is only one bullet-point for the day, in which we find out that the reception was in a piazza and that heart-shaped flower petals were thrown at the newlyweds in celebration. And that's about it. We want to know more, nay need to know more, but this is all we've got. Well, we've got that and a mystery. Timberlake was photographed the day after the ceremony, keying back into the hotel or something (what else could he be doing?), and the magazine is all "Look, he's wearing his wedding ring." But, more interestingly, what is that in his hand? Why it's a pack of Parliament Light cigarettes. What is Justin Timberlake, falsetto angel of white funktopia, doing with a pack of cigarettes? Are they for him? For his new bride? For someone else? That is the biggest mystery of the whole thing so far! I mean, it's Italy and everyone smokes in Italy even if they don't smoke anywhere else (same is true of Paris), but it is still a little surprising. Don't ruin that voice of yours, JT. That's your moneymaker. I know you think acting's your thing and lots of actors smoke, but in reality it's singing for you, bud. And singers, well the ones who are smart anyway, don't do that to themselves. Wise up, old bean. Wise up. You're a married man now. [