Hollywood to Ruin 'Peanuts' Next

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Today in showbiz news: Fox has plans to turn Charlie Brown and friends into big-screen movie stars, Kris Jenner wants her own show, and two funny ladies just got their own show.

Oh good. Twentieth Century Fox and the animation studio behind the interminable Ice Age series (ughhhh) have secured the rights to Charles M. Schulz's iconic comic/cartoon franchise Peanuts, with plans to release a major motion picture in 2015. Now, Blue Sky Studios, the animation house, has only ever done computer-animated films. So that leads me to believe that we're talking about a computer-animated Charlie Brown. Which is absolute sacrilege and should not be allowed. I know, I know, computer animation is the wave of the future -- not even the future, the present -- and there have been some beautiful computer-animated movies in the past. But that's just it. Peanuts isn't beautiful, it's scrappy and simple and a little messy. That's part of the whole charm. You cannot do Charlie Brown with computers because that is too sleek and cold and mechanical. No, nope, no thanks. I could be wrong, there is no actual mention of this being a computer animated movie, but this is the studio that adapted Horton Hears a Who! into a computer animated movie, so I see no reason to think this will be any different. This is not good. And this isn't age or grumpiness talking, this is an appreciation for art. No Charlie Brown on computers! And please god, if they say one "snarky" thing or make a reference to the internet... No. No no no. This must be stopped. Who's with me? [Variety]

Another abomination: Kris Jenner, the person famous for giving birth to a person who got famous for having sex, is trying to get her own daytime talk show. Yes, Mother Kardashian may get a test run on Fox affiliates starting next summer, which... ugh. What will her topics be? How to lurk behind a houseplant until one of your daughters enters the room with her reality crew and then you jump out and say "Heyyyy what's going on what are you doing huhhh let's hangggg"? How to drive around in a shopping mall parking lot in an SUV hoping someone recognizes you? I mean, what does Kris Jenner know anything about? Not much, is my guess. Not much. Oh well. Who really cares. Bring it on. I'll just be in this ditch eating cheese. [The Hollywood Reporter]

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Well, this is nice. Rachael Harris and Angela Kinsey, the former from The Hangover and a million other things, the latter from The Office, will star in a pilot for burgeoning comedy mecca Fox. Ruben Fleischer, of Zombieland fame, will direct the pilot, which was created by a Glee producer and is about the actresses' real-life friendship. Specifically, they bond over mutual divorces and then laughs ensue. So, it doesn't sound like the most thrilling premise, but both ladies are funny (especially Harris) and it's nice to see them getting work. And it reminds us that it's going to be interesting to watch all the Office folks scatter off into different jobs. The end of an era. But, hooray, the beginning of another. [Deadline]

We missed this last night, but it needs discussing: Anne Hathaway will be starring in a romantic comedy written by Mindy Kaling called The Low Self-Esteem of Lizzie Gillespie. So, that sounds grating enough as is, right? Well just listen to the premise: "The story centers on a woman whose lack of self-worth has limited her choice in men to losers. When she is about to hit the bottom of the barrel, life takes an unexpected turn when she is pursued by the hottest guy ever." Noooo. Absolutely not. Nope. Unh unh. Sorry, guys, but ya can't. Ya just can't do it. That sounds dreadful. I can't exactly pinpoint or articulate specifically what sounds so dreadful about it, but it really sounds extremely dreadful. Something about how the down-on-herself girl's lack of self-esteem chiefly manifests itself in her ability to attract men? But I guess it's all about girl empowerment because then a hot guy is attracted to her even though she didn't change herself. Or something. So it's OK. And, you know, she probably doesn't end up with the hot guy anyway, there's probably a "less hot guy," like an Adam Brody or something, who she's really supposed to be with. I could be wrong about this, obviously, but so far? So far Anne Hathaway playing a character named "Lizzie Gillespie" and flailing around like she has no self-esteem, when that is basically all Anne Hathaway is made of, self-esteem and spirit gum, does not sound very good. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The next season of Louie will not be on until spring 2014. In other words, a year and a half from now. Which... Don't want to sound hypocritical, but that is very upsetting. I won't be upset in like two minutes, but right now? Right now, I feel your pain, Communityheads. [Entertainment Weekly]

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