Devastated Jersey Shore Finally Hears from 'Jersey Shore'

Today in celebrity gossip: The people of destroyed New Jersey have finally received words of comfort from those that most matter, Zac Efron had an exciting Halloween costume, and Brad Pitt gives money to the gays. 

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Today in celebrity gossip: The people of destroyed New Jersey have finally received words of comfort from those that most matter, Zac Efron had an exciting Halloween costume, and Brad Pitt gives money to the gays.

As people recover from the devastation wreaked by Hurricane Sandy, many are turning to a higher power for comfort. For many that power is God, but for some, particularly those on the especially ravaged New Jersey coastline, there is a family of supreme beings to whom all prayers are sent: The cast of Jersey Shore. And lo, the many prayers have been heard and the cast of MTV's soon-to-be-over garbage series has responded with sympathy. Radiant super-being The Snooki Monster has released a statement saying "It's devastating to see our boardwalk and favorite spots ruined." Oh no, all of their favorite spots. Where will the people dance if they don't have Bamboo? But fear not, all ye ruined peoples of the Jersey Shore. JWoww went on Jay "Wow" Leno's show last night and said that, while serious and "devastating" (popular word among celestial beings), the damage is "fixable." And JWoww would know. She knows all, after all. She is everything and everything is her. So take comfort, all you people whose houses are now one with the sea. Whose cars have been crushed by trees. Whose parakeets have fleeted up into the gray swirling sky to be with their ancestors. Your gods have not forgotten you. Now if those of us without power in lower Manhattan could just get Whitney Port to tell us what to do, we'd all be in good shape. [Associated Press]

Today is Halloween, which means it's time for costumes. Though they mostly live entirely different lives than us — blessed, exotic, removed — celebrities get in on the costume game just like us normals. Page Six says that Emma Roberts, niece of Julia, was at a big house party this weekend called "Nightmare on Arden Street" with a bunch of other celebs and that she was dressed in the same costume, wig and all, that her aunt wore as a hooker in Pretty Woman. And it's true, here is a picture. (She's dating Evan Peters, the jerk.) So that's all ha ha very funny, hope Julia appreciated it. But buried in this story about Emma Roberts is a far more titillating and intriguing bit: "Stars at the party included Zac Efron and a male pal, who arrived as Brokeback Mountain characters." !!!! Whaaaaaaat? Whooooooo? Who was Jack Twist and who was Ennis??? Wait. "MALE FRIEND"?? Male friend can mean a lot of things. A whollllle lot of things. Male friend. Brokeback Mountain. How fully do you think they committed to their costumes? Like, were they really Method about it? One hopes, of course. One hopes! Page Six, how could you lead with the Emma Roberts thing when there was something else so enthralling just a few sentences away? Keep your eye on the ball, guys. Don't bury the Brokeback lede again. [Page Six]

Speaking of gay things, actor Brad Pitt has donated $100,000 to the Human Rights Campaign as a sign of support for the marriage equality movement. The HRC is particularly concerned with ballot initiatives in four states — Maryland, Washington, Maine, and New Gaytonington, formerly "Minnesota" — that could legalize same sex marriage next week. And while ballot initiatives aren't really the best way to get these things legal because majorities shouldn't really be voting on the rights of a minority, the effort is still appreciated. For his part Pitt said "It's unbelievable to me that people's lives and relationships are literally being voted on in a matter of days. If you're like me, you don't want to have to ask yourself on the day after the election, what else could I have done?" OK, fair enough! Of course many comments on the article say that Pitt should have donated his money to a more worthy cause, but that was to be expected. Mostly this is a good thing. And is a good bit of PR for the Pitt family, after it was revealed a little while back that Pitt's mother is a bit crazy. [People]

Miley Cyrus has really gone bad. How bad? Bad enough to hire a 20-year-old porn actress to appear in her next music video. Because the song, written by Miley's collaborator DJ Borgore, is about said porn star. Her name is Jessie Andrews, the song is called "Decisions," and Miley Cyrus needs to start making some better ones. Not because there's anything wrong with porn stars or dumb DJs or anything like that. It's just that it's so obvious and lame how cool and edgy Miley Cyrus is now trying to be. Come on, girl. We get it. You're a grownup now and you are aware of sex and dangerous things and black leather and eyeliner and all that. Good for you. We've all been there. If you want to hang out with a porn star and a DJ, that's great. I'm sure they're lovely people. But stop trying to be all public and showy about it in the hopes that we'll forget about this. Because we are never going to forget that. [TMZ]

Environmental activist actor Leonardo DiCaprio was seen "cruising [New York] city in his flashy electric car. Spies saw 'The Great Gatsby' star sailing along West 40th Street, which was nearly empty as the monster storm approached Sunday night, in a new Fisker Karma electric vehicle with extended range." Hahaha. Good for Leo for promoting electric cars, but the idea of people stopping to take notice as a rich man drives by in his "flashy electric car" is very funny. "Spotted: Rudy Valentino zooming around the borough in his fanciful new steamless carriage." "SEEN: Man-about-town Ira Gershwin taking his new automated veloci-buggy for a turn about the island of New Amsterdam." The general story never really changes, it's only the contraptions that do. [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.