Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz Are Not Dating

Today in celebrity gossip: A rumored power couple is not actually coupling, Ryan Lochte has a very fashionable dinner, and Prince Harry is no longer seeking revenge. 

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Though she tried to kill him so sexily in Vanilla Sky and they radiated such electric chemistry in the greatest movie ever made, Knight and Day, it turns out that Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz are not dating. There had been a rumor that they were, but reps or whoever are now saying that the whole thing is not true. They're just friends, guys, so calm down. You can still 'ship them all you want on your fanfic site, there is nothing wrong with that, but in real life, IRL, t'ain't happening. Sorry, but that's the reality of it. So many of you were hoping that Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz were, like, making out a lot and doin' other stuff together, y'know, intimate stuff, and you thought about it all day in your office while you were supposed to be doing things. It was just a real nice thing for lots of you to think about, Cameron doing some kind of silly dance, Tom looking on with that strange glare of his, saying something smooth like, "Hello Earth female, shall we couple for the purposes of sexual release?" Just so many of you have been fantasizing about that, but now the illusion is shattered. Sorry. Those two are not doing it to each other. They're just friends. They go do friend things. Cameron meets Tom down on the beach and Tom's there with his close personal assistant, the doe-eyed curly-haired young Jeffery, and they have a good, platonic time. That's all. Sorry. Oh well. [Us Weekly]

Editors from Vogue magazine recently took celebrated swimbo Ryan Lochte out to dinner at The Lion, a pretentious nonsense lair over in the Western Village of Manhattan. Lochte has expressed an interest in fashion in the past, so I guess it makes sense that Vogue editors would use their powers to set up a dinner with him for the ostensible reason of talking shop but really just to get pictures with him and giggle and tell their friends that they touched his abs or whatever. After dinner Lochte apparently went to drinks with a fashion designer, who asked Lochte what he thought of the Vogue editors and whether he agreed with their vision or conception of the current world of fashion, and Lochte considered this question for a moment, nodded his head as if deep in thought, and finally said, "I like their paper book full of pretty ladies." So, kid's going places. [Page Six]

Sweet ginger sex prince Harry of England has dropped a formal complaint against the British newspaper The Sun in regards to his nude photo scandal from this past, most nude British people-filled summer. Basically a representative for the crown said that while they still believe that The Sun violated Harry's privacy (pronounced: PRIH-vah-see), the prince has to focus on more important matters right now, like the fact that he's in Afghanistan and people keep getting shot the hell up over there. That's just higher on everyone's priority list than formally telling The Sun that they suck when everyone already knows that they suck. And, well, that's that. The last we'll hear of the whole sordid mess, I'm sure. There's nothing left to talk about and we should forget the whole thing.(Unless of course there are more explicit photos, in which case you know how to find us and give us photos, The Sun. We're here. Waiting. Forever waiting.) [Us Weekly]

Here are some grim developments in that story about that Sons of Anarchy actor who killed his landlady and then himself in L.A. on Tuesday. This actor, Johnny Lewis, was apparently active in the Church of Scientology as a younger man, and his parents were muckety-mucks in the church at some point. Not that that has anything to do with anything, but it's just a thing that's being reported. By TMZ, but reported nonetheless. There's also a thing about the poor landlady's cat that's unpleasant and sad, I mean not as sad as the lady getting murdered or the guy killing himself, but still sad. So. I don't know. Read it if you want. If that's your thing. If you're curious. Maybe you knew him. Maybe you knew her. I don't know. Who knows anything, really. I'm just gonna stare out the window for a while. [TMZ]

OK, we're back. Here's a funny little post about how former president George W. Bush basically doesn't have any photos of himself being the president in his home in Crawford, TX. Huh. That is funny, isn't it. I mean, I certainly know that I have tons of photos of that time I started a fire in the kitchen while trying to make pancakes and accidentally burned everything down and ruined things for years and years. I have so many photos of that! Why wouldn't I?? And I'm sure most of you have photos from that time when you were pulling at railroad ties because it seemed fun and you accidentally derailed that train and it was a big disaster. Why wouldn't we have pictures of these grand moments in our lives? So it seems strange that George W. Bush wouldn't have pictures from that time when he willfully entered us into two horrifically ill-advised and largely illegal wars all because the scary bald man in the cloak was telling him to, and then he gave everyone a bunch of tax cuts because who needs to pay for a war, while presiding over the greatest financial meltdown in 80 years. Why wouldn't he want to be reminded of those grand, glorious days every chance he got?? It's all very surprising. [Page Six]

Speaking of photographs, here is a photograph of New Girl's Max Greenfield in a tiny red bathing suit. Not much to say about it other than that. Those are the facts of the photo. Take it or leave it. I'd strongly suggest you take it. [Us Weekly]

And for the rest of you, you lady lovers, here are some pictures of Natalie Portman with her new blonde hair. Plus she has her beloved dog Whiz with her, if you're into that sorta thing. Let's also look at these pictures and think about the fact that NatPo had a baby like six hours ago and looks like what she looks like. Movie stars are magic people. They are devious and dark and dangerous wizards. Somewhere in deepest Toledo some poor girl is gaining all of Natalie Portman's weight for her, because of some spell that Natalie cast while flying over Ohio on her way to somewhere more interesting. The world is unfair. And it's all movie stars' fault. [Daily Mail]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.