R. Patz and K. Stew Are Shacking Up Again

This article is from the archive of our partner .

The course of true love never did run smooth, or at least the course of young love, but sometimes it does find its way again. As it has for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, a couple torn asunder by infidelity but reunited by, well, I dunno, horniness or pressure from a movie studio or something. Whatever the reason, the point is that not only is the couple back together after a separation caused by K. Stew stepping out with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, but also, they're living together again. So, we can all calm down now. Or, well, maybe we can't. See, this is gonna get everyone a'whisper about marketing conspiracies and whatnot, because this is all remarkably well-timed, coming just as the big Twilight PR wehrmacht begins to lurch into motion one last time. Many people will say this has all been a ruse, flimflam trickery meant to drum up romantic tension and interest in the last goopy Twilight movie, Twilight: Forks in the Road. And maybe it was. To us it seems unlikely that these two particular weirdos, who seem about as embarrassed by Twilight as one can be embarrassed of something that's earned you tens of millions of dollars, would go to all the trouble of staging some big fake reconciliation, or hell, even a big fake breakup. But, what do we know? Movie stars are crazy people who do crazy things, so maybe this really is all some grand sham meant to put our gossip-fattened butts in those bedbug-ridden movie theater seats to gaze at the wan flickerings of Bedward (that's what they're called, right?) and wonder what it must be like when they do it in real life — and by "it" we mean not only the having of sweet sex, but also the fighting, the screaming, the hugging, the walking away, the making up, the apologizing, the groveling, the carrying a box back into the house, sighing under the weight of it, wondering if it will work this time, if this is maybe life forever, doing things we're not sure will work but doing them anyway, because the other option is to sink into nothing, into the pale shapeless oblivion of a world without risk. That's what we'll think about, maybe, as we shove the popcorn in and gulp everything down. [Us Weekly]

On to happier, or at least simpler things. Here is a photo gallery of all the TV stars, all 17 TV stars that there are in this world, partying it up with each other after Sunday night's Emmy Awards show. They all look to be having fun, hugging and laughing and sitting near glasses of wine. They never seem to be actually drinking the wine, just sitting near the glasses, maybe because they look so bright and sparkly and festive in photographs. Maybe the best photo of the bunch is Ashlee Simpson, who was at the Emmys (or at least at the parties) for some inexplicable reason, talking to Rita Wilson. What on Earth might they have been talking about? What do those two have in common? Probably not much. In fact, Wilson looks pained and like she wants someone to get rid of Simpson for her. It's an interesting photo. There's also a picture of Julianna Margulies' very handsome husband talking to Ricky Gervais, and you think how weird it must be for civilian spouses of celebrities to all of a sudden know all these famous people, and that's just how things go for him now. Life is weird, here is everyone. Odd thing, that. [People]

It seems that Pamela Anderson and Kirstie Alley are being quite the divas backstage at Dancing With the Stars: All Stars, making crazy demands. How crazy? Like Pamela Anderson has asked for a special kind of coconut water, so ... That's ... Well, that's coconuts. Sort of. I guess. Eh. Apparently it's a kind you have to order from Australia, and that's what makes the demand crazy, but ordering something from Sydney to Los Angeles doesn't seem like that big of a deal for a popular television production to swing? And then Alley apparently demands that she only eat things from her special diet program instead of craft services. Which just makes sense? She lost a hundred pounds on the stuff, and you won't indulge her and just bring her the damn diet things? TMZ is all "the crew hauls [it] in daily" about the diet meals, which, come on, how much "hauling" are you doing with tiny portions of diet food? The one thing really worth making fun of about Kirstie's whole deal is that her rep said this about the idea of her eating regular food: "Steve Jobs didn't listen to music on a Zune." Haha! A) "Zune" is always a good joke. And, B) Is the rep saying that Kirstie Alley is the Steve Jobs of being fat? Of weight loss? And the diet programs are the iPod or something? Did Kirstie Alley found the diet company, because otherwise the Steve Jobs comparison doesn't make any sense. I mean, even less sense. Or something. Haha. Everyone's ridiculous. And, well, everyone won't have to worry about coconut water anymore, because Pamela Anderson went and got herself voted off the show last night. Anderson didn't speak to press, but her dance partner said, "It's tough. Pam has her family. That's who she wants to be with." Yes, during this difficult time. Of being voted off Dancing With the Star: All Stars. How will she cope. [TMZ; People]

An artist named Domingo Zapata who painted a picture of Lindsay Lohan is now publicly making statements that he is not, repeat not, sleeping with her. So it's gotten that bad, that any random person who's come into contact with Lohan is going out of their way to point out that they are not sleeping with the poor girl. Sorry state of affairs, my dear. But, well, OK, this guy really isn't that random. Lohan was driving his car when she got in her recent scuffle with the driving police in New York, and she has been seen carrying one of his kids out of the Bowery Hotel. ("Nice to be the one carrying someone else out of this hotel for once, y'know?") So there were some reasons to whisper about them being a couple. But they're not, according to both. No sir. It's not happening. And now you know. [Page Six]

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas celebrated their birthdays in New York last night. Yes, they have the same birthday, though they are 25 years apart. The couple, 43 and you do the math, had a drink at the Carlyle before going to a dinner party at Barbara Walters' house. Boy, I hope they had a few drinks. You'd need some before going to a dinner at that echoing, perfume-scented house of mysteries. Eesh. Anyway, it all sounds like a very civilized, very New York evening, so I don't know why the Daily Mail had to ruin the story with this little tidbit right in the lead: "When Catherine Zeta-Jones was introduced to Michael Douglas at the Deauville Film Festival in 1998, he used the line: 'I'd like to father your children.'" Um, horrible. That is horrible. We do not need to know these things. Is Michael Douglas a PUA? Has he been studying The Game and Richard La Ruina? He's a Natural, clearly. Or at least definitely an alpha. Wowee. Yuck. Yikes. Happy birthday. [Daily Mail]

Speaking of happy couples, former pop singer/actress Holly Valance will marry her fiance, British real estate mogul Nick Candy, this Saturday, as part of a three-day celebration. So that's good news for them. Good news for Valance because Candy is basically a billionaire and now her name will be Holly Candy, and good news for Candy because now he'll get to hear this song over and over again for the rest of his life. It's win-win, really. The couple's wedding invitations included their self-bestowed portmanteau "Valandy," so you know this union is destined to last. Kiss kiss! [Page Six]

Katie Holmes loves Brooklyn, apparently. She was recently spotted shopping at the Brooklyn Flea with Suri and nobody bothered her and it was all very pleasant. So maybe she'll move there, Page Six speculates. Maybe she will. I could see her in DUMBO or Brooklyn Heights or some such neighborhood. But it'd be so far from Suri's school. And Katie does love all the shopping in Manhattan. Wait, what? What the hell am I talking about? Some lady I don't know and her kid I most certainly don't and shouldn't know and where they should live? Gross. Go away, me. Get gone. Bye. Enjoy Brooklyn, whoever you are. [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.