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Stewpatz Breakup Saga day thirteen thousand and the news is hopeful? Or maybe just sad. Kristen Stewart, breaker of British hearts and fallible 22-year-old human, was seen at the Los Angeles International Airport (if only there was some shorter way to say that, oh well) wearing a T-shirt that we're pretty darn sure belongs, or once belonged, to her ex-boyfriend, Robert Pattinson. So this could be a good sign, because some people (just "people," who knows who they really are) have been saying that the ex-couple wears each other's clothes as a secret sign of communication, a little subtle "Hello" that could mean that things are on the mend. Or it could be that Kristen refuses to move on, and so is wandering through her life still draped in the smell of him, so scared to let it go, so unwilling to say goodbye. It could mean either of those things, this fact we have, that we hold like a little glowing orb, that Kristen Stewart wore a T-shirt at an airport yesterday that her boyfriend once wore, we know this because we took their pictures when they didn't want us to and now we are comparing those pictures. Terrific. Anyway, Stewart was at the airport to fly to Toronto, where she will make her first post-scandal public appearance to promote On the Road and of course, as is law in Canada, will be whipped thirty times in the public square for wanton sexery and illicitness. You'd think the Canadians would be more chill than that, but they are not screwin' around when it comes to screwin' around. [People]

Alec Baldwin's 17-year-old daughter Ireland tells Page Six that that whole "rude, thoughtless little pig" voicemail from her father that circled around like crazy five years ago is totally no big deal, that that's just how he talks: "He’s said stuff like that before just because he’s frustrated. For me it was like, ‘OK, whatever.’ I called him back I was like, ‘Sorry Dad, I didn’t have my phone.’ That was it." So, OK. Good to know, I suppose? It was a bit shocking, to hear a dad talking to his 12-year-old child like that, but hey, however things work in their family, who are we to judge? Page Six then goes on to talk more about Ireland, saying that she's interested in acting and modeling careers, and that she gets along well with her 28-year-old stepmom Hilaria. So, that's good to know about Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger's daughter, I guess? Probably somebody was wondering about that. But then Page Six goes on to talk more about Ireland, saying "[t]he teen, who admits to having had a drink, says she’s never used drugs and has chosen to save sex for marriage." Which, what? What the hell is this? Is she for sale? Why do we need to know this? Are they trying to marry her off? "In addition, the girl has strong birthing hips and straight white teeth. Product stands five foote nine and one half inches, and has the gait and bearing of an Irishwoman. Comes with certificate of virginity. Forty bits or best offer." You are weird, Page Six. Real weird. But hey, people are into it. As one commenter says on the post, "I respect and admire you. you are gorges." You are gorges, everyone. Even you, Ithaca. [Page Six]

The Situation, a person who still exists, is suing some Las Vegas nightclub promoter because apparently the promoter owes him $60,000 for two nightclub appearances. Meaning The Situation, a person who showed up to a house one day and started yelling, gets paid $30,000 a pop for club appearances. You know how much I get paid to show up at a bar? -$50. That's all. $60,000 for two appearances?? That's a year's tuition at Denison! With money left over for books! Are you going to Denison, The Situation? Because you can afford to now. Finally your dream of going to Denison University could be realized if only this club promoter would pay you the damn monies owed. Sigh. Poor The Situation. Always thwarted in his dream of becoming one of the Big Red. See, just a minute ago I was all mad about The Situation earning $30,000 every time he wriggles into some garbage nightclub, but now I just feel bad for him, always wanting this one thing, never getting it. [TMZ]

Young Katie Holmes stepped out last night for her first official public appearance since she ran screaming from Tom Cruise's desert conversion yurt that he'd built for the final stage of her transformation into a Pleiadian, and she looked great! She was at Lincoln Center to give a fashion award to Carolina Herrera, because Wednesday night is when we give out fashion awards in New York City. Yup, every Wednesday night we go to various places around Manhattan and give out fashion awards to various people. It's a really nice tradition, and it's great that Katie Holmes is now a part of it. She looked very nice in a black men's shirt with a beige rucksack lashed around her midsection. She wore shoes of some kind, and probably was wearing underpants of a nonspecific varietal. She had hair, which was up there on her head, and didn't have any pieces of metal jabbed into her ears. No metal at all, in fact, just a pouch she was holding that kept her money and credit cards and lipsticks and balms and other things in it. It was a nice look, probably cost, I dunno, fifty bucks or something to put together, it was pretty expensive looking. Oh and she had on some face paint, mostly around her eyes. It was a nice fashion, we give it 8 out of 10 Fashies. And that's the FashionNewz™! [Us Weekly]

Brooklyn Decker wept sad tears in the audience when her husband Andy Roddick lost the final tennis match of his competitive career at the U.S. Open yesterday. She tried to keep it together, but when the stadium gave him a standing ovation and he clearly became overwhelmed, she lost it too. Kind of a nice, strange thing. You know, you make a joke or two about Brooklyn Decker being this silly model trying to have an acting career who's married to some jockhunk sporteroo and haha, what smoothed over plastic creatures they are, huh, but then there's that, a moment of humanity, and clearly she cares about the dude and has lots of feelings wrapped up in his life and likely he in hers, and there you go. They're real people, how about that. And you know what? Brooklyn Decker wasn't half bad in What To Expect When You're Expecting. And that's the truth. [Daily Mail]

The celebrity report from Charlotte: Mad Men brooder turned comedy star Jon Hamm was spotted at the Westin downtown, presumably there to soak up the sights and sounds of the Democratic National Convention, where tonight we will embue President Obama with all of our life essences so he may ascend to the next level of existence and destroy our enemies. Hamm was reportedly just hamming around, his longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt sitting next to him. Apparently Hamm wasn't bothered much, but earlier in the night Newman from Seinfeld was at the same place and he was "mobbed." Which, duh. Politics people are total nerds. They probably all had that Kramer poster in their college dorm rooms. Plus they're not going to approach Jon Hamm. He looks like all the guys in high school who yelled out "Homosayswhat" during their student council speeches. Haha, suck it nerds, enjoy your Newman. Also in Charlotte was Bridget Siegel, a former John Edwards staffer who has written a novel called Domestic Affairs about illicit sex on a campaign trail. So, that's opportunistic, but whatever. Siegel says that it felt good to be back in the mix. "I’m half-jaded, sure. But at the end of the day, I’m a political staffer at heart." And also at the end of the day you're trying to sell a book about how John Edwards cheated on his wife. Nothing wrong with that, Bridget! But let's maybe be upfront about it. You may be a political staffer at heart, but you're a book peddler at hearter. [Reliable Source, Reliable Source]

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