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For weeks now we've been clutching our pearls, or more accurately we've been clutching our gin and tonics, and staring out at the gray, stormy Atlantic, wondering what will become of this terrible romance that Conor Kennedy, grandson of RFK, great-grandson of Joseph P. Kennedy, has struck up with some sort of "popular music" singer named Taylor Swift. We hoped, we all hoped, that it was just going to be some passing summertime fling, the boy is 18 after all and 18-year-old boys may have a summer fling or two, wild oats and all that. But now summer's end is almost here, the staff is preparing the house for the Labor Day party, and they're still together! What's worse, we hear it may be love. What's even worse, if you can believe it, is that this Taylor creature (what sort of a young woman is named Taylor anyway, isn't that awfully nouveau?) has reportedly bought a nearly $5 million summer home near Hyannis Port! What game is she at, do you suspect? Did someone in the family frame her father for murder or something and she's come now, years later, under a new name to seek revenge? Either that or she's after something. She's in no need of money, her rock concerts and music albums seem to have stored her up well enough with heaps of sweaty cash, but she could be after the name. The precious name. It's just all too much. If this is still carrying on by Columbus Day something will have to be done. We'll have to call our man in Panama and have him make a trip up. Boating accidents happen all the time, don't they. Anyway. It's 40-love. Your serve. [Page Six]

Cue up the sad clarinet. Warlock of the woodwinds Kenny G has filed for divorce from his wife of twenty years. Terrible thing. We've no official word on the reason for the split, but if we had to guess we'd say it was likely irreconcilable hair differences. That's almost assuredly what it was. [People]

On a happier note, comedian and actor Zach Galifianakis married his girlfriend Quinn Lundberg in a small, private ceremony in Vancouver over the weekend. The brief ceremony was held at the UBC Farm, which is run by the University of British Columbia. And is where, we'd have to assume, they grow the sweetest kush in the Western provinces. That's absolutely what that farm is for, right? Probably a few vegetables and a trendy goat or something, but mostly sweet sweet kb. So, happy wedding, you two! Happy, happy wedding. [Daily Mail]

Haha, oh brother. Remi Laba, who co-owns the Meatpacking District hotspot restaurant Bagatelle, was arrested at the Charlotte airport while on his way to St. Barth's due to a scuffle he had at security over a jar of truffle paste that was in his carry-on. Yup. Security said it was a liquid, he said it wasn't, they said no, so he tried to just leave the whole bag there and get on his plane, which he didn't want to miss. But instead he was arrested. Yes. Arrested while on his way to St. Barth's because of a jar of truffle paste. Meanwhile: Africa. [Page Six]

Oh and Jackass jackass Bam Margera also got arrested at the Charlotte airport! Though, it had nothing to do with truffle paste, as far as we know. Nah, he was just being drunk and belligerent with airline staff, so security hauled him away. So, high and low, sharing a common experience. The Charlotte airport: The great equalizer. [TMZ]

Speaking of airplanes and stuff, Liza Minnelli had to fly coach recently. Yup, she changed a flight last minute and all there was was coach. Man. Can you imagine sitting next to Liza Minnelli in coach? "Hi there! I'm Liza, whatsh your name? Gee, that's great. Hey, Brucey, lemme tell ya a story. So it's 1968 and of course at the time I'm livin' at the Belcourt Hotel on 14th Avenue with Uta and Lainey..." and then it just goes from there. Oh to be on that plane! To be on that plane. I would spend the rest of my life in the Charlotte airport jail just to be on that plane. [Page Six]

Oh, and yeah, Robert Pattinson went on The Daily Show last night and they danced around the whole Kristen Stewart thing and it was cute and he is charming, end of story. [People]

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