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Today in celebrity gossip: Robert Pattinson continues to avoid talking about Kristen Stewart, the good old Oasis brothers feud is still raging, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are not, repeat not, dating.

It's with heavy heart and prurient eye that we all watch Englishman vampire Robert Pattinson run the media gauntlet this week, as he tries to do press for an obscure David Cronenberg film while dodging questions about his cheating live-in love Kristen Stewart. He handled himself deftly on The Daily Show on Monday, partly because host Jon Stewart only jokingly danced around the issue rather than addressing it head-on. Not so for today's Good Morning America appearance, during which interviewer George Stephanopoulos copied The Daily Show's ice cream gag by giving Pattinson a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (comfort food, I guess?) and asking him, "Everybody just wants to know: how are you doing? What do you want your fans to know about what's going on in your personal life?" Pattinson avoided really answering, eventually shutting down the entire line of questioning by saying, "I'm never been interested in trying to sell my personal life. The reason why you go onto TV is to promote movies." Boom, Stephanopoulos, boom. Do you think George Stephanopoulos, when he's nosily prying into some nice kid's personal life on live national television, ever has even a glimmer of remembrance that he was once the White House Communications Director for a presidential administration or that he's a member of the Council on Foreign Relations or any of that stuff? Like, come on, Stephanopoulos. Asking this dreck on Good Morning America. I'm sure the paycheck is good, but good grief. Ah well. For his part Pattinson is eager to film his next movie, which will take him to the Australian desert, far away from all of this. And then he's doing two movies that shoot in the Middle East, so he's gonna be away for a while. And that's probably a good thing. Adios, muchacho! See you... Well, ugh, see you when you have to promote Twilight. [Us Weekly; Page Six]

During Sunday's closing ceremonies of the London Olympics, former Oasis band member Liam Gallagher came out with his new band, made up of some old Oasis members, and sang the old group's big hit "Wonderwall." Many said that it wasn't the best performance, all nasal and weird, and it would seem that Liam's estranged brother Noel, who wrote the song, would agree. He performed a concert recently and before singing his own version of "Wonderwall," he said "I know this is gonna be difficult for you, but if you can't sing along to this next song, it's because it sounds different when I sing it ... I'd like to dedicate this to Stratford's finest Oasis tribute band." Ohhh, yikes. That is pointed! Good to know the ol' Gallagher brothers feud is alive and well. I'd lost the thread of that thing sometime back, so it's good to know I didn't miss anything. Oof. Brothers! Fighting like that. What must their poor mother think? Just terrible. Though, to be fair, Noel did have a point. I'm sure it sounded much better when he sang it. And it probably sounded even better when he sang it seventeen years ago when it came out. Which... god almighty. [Daily Mail]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt tells Playboy magazine that he and his (500) Days of Summer costar Zooey Deschanel are just pals even though people really want them to be more than pals. They get along real well and watch lots of movies and play music together, but they are just friends. They go for long strolls together and eat meals at restaurants just the two of them and sometimes they hold hands, but they're just buds. Sometimes they make love on Sunday afternoons and spend the rest of the day lying in bed looking at each other and smiling and sometimes they meet each others' parents and sometimes they go on romantic vacations to places like Paris and Lisbon and Montevideo together, but really they're just amigos. They got married on a sunny mountaintop in the Berkshires surrounded by family and friends and then went on a honeymoon to the Faroe Islands and made a baby together the first night and will soon be parents, but they are only BFFs. Some days in the future they'll spend a morning bickering about paint color or the broken dishwasher and their kid will hate the sound of them fighting but they'll eventually stop fighting and laugh and hug each other and feel the warmth of deep and eternal companionship radiating from and into one another and they'll decide to renew their vows in a small ceremony on Crete, but really, for real, it's strictly platonic. They'll grow old and die within two months of each other and be buried next to one another on the same hill in Lenox where they were married and they will be there forever, together, but they aren't dating, they're just friends, that's all. [People]

Shia LaBeouf has quit drinking because of some incidents a few years ago, including that car accident where he almost lost his hand, but he did suspend his sobriety to go Method and drink moonshine for the upcoming bootlegging drama Lawless. It got pretty intense, he says, even to the point that his costar Mia Wasikowska became a little afraid. He says, "Mia was ready to walk away from the movie. I was really pretty aggressive about it, and not in any kind of weird, strange way, but I don’t think she had ever experienced anything like that." Which, 1) Wow, you continue to sound like such a great guy, Shia. And 2) How do you know what Mia Wasikowska wanted to do? Oh the little girl was so frightened by your intense Method acting, she'd never experienced anything like it before, your intensity, so she wanted to run away, because you're such a serious actor. Ugh. Really just ugh. Plenty of them are terrific, but some straight male actors are just the worst. Just thoroughly the living worst. [Page Six]

Jennifer Garner was recently reunited with her Alias costar Victor Garber backstage at a cabaret show he did in New York, and she got teary when she hugged him and there's a picture of it and it's a little intense. Like, it looks like one of those sobbing "I'm so upset about things that you don't know about and I just need to hug you right now and maybe forever" hugs. Like maybe Victor Garber has no idea what's going on? That's just what this one picture looks like. Who knows the truth of it. Just saying what it looks like. Judge for yourself. It's an oddly intense photograph. Mia Wasikowska is scared of it. She's just never experienced anything like it before. [Us Weekly]

This is an article about how High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens and her boyfriend, an actor named Austin Butler, went to some outdoor concert in San Francisco and seemed very much in love. It's a typical weird, sad, drooling People article written by some wheezing staffer in a cubicle somewhere, fairly unremarkable except for one passage. That passage goes like this: "'She would make cute little faces at him, and he would just stare at her, looking totally in love,' the source says, adding that both had flawless skin." Hahahahaha. Okayyyyy, source. Whatever you say, source. What a weirdo! "And they had flawless skin..." Jame Gumb is the source. That's who it is. What a strange thing to say! And what an odd detail to include, People magazine. They seemed to be having fun, oh and both of them had firm buttocks. They're obviously very much in love, plus she has strong birthing hips. Very peculiar. Not sure why that's in there. Oh well. [People]

You know how we're always saying that the Hamptons are epically boring? It's because they are. Because of stories like this: Calvin Klein ran into his ex-wife at a surprise birthday party for photographer Bruce Weber's wife and nothing happened. Calvin Klein, who now dates gay porn stars, saw his ex-wife, a female, at a restaurant in Montauk, called Moby Dick's of all things, and nothing, not a single thing, happened. They just ignored each other, apparently. Anywhere else we maybe could have had drunken recriminations hurled across the room or chilled, crisp white wine tossed in someone's face, maybe the phrase "Go back to your little whore!" shrieked from a Volvo that's speeding away into the night. But nope. Not in the Hamptons. Not there. Because it is the boringest. Just the dullest ever. [Page Six]

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