Mary-Kate's Strange Relationship Progresses

Mary-Kate and her older, politically connected beau are going strong. Also today in celebrity gossip: Heidi Klum is a bit of a fashion nazi, Katy Perry and Russell Brand almost reproduced, and Fred Willard gets caught in the act. 

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Remember how Nicolas Sarkozy's half-brother Olivier is dating Mary-Kate Olsen and it's the weirdest thing ever? Like, Michelle Tanner from Full House is dating the middle-aged brother of the former president of France? That is very strange! And now, well, now they might be moving in together. Sarkozy is buying a townhouse on 14th street to be with the downtown-dwelling Olsen, and though they're not officially shacking up just yet, things seem to be heading that way. So we can look forward to more of this happening, which will be great for all of us. Our brains will be scrambled and we won't be able to speak, but it will still be great. Love on, you two! [Page Six]

In an interview with Howard Stern yesterday, Russell Brand said that he wanted to have children with his ex, singer Katy Perry, but that she wasn't ready. Or that was the implication at least. And that would make sense. She's only 27, and her career is in gonzo mode, so it probably wouldn't be the best time for her to start having kids. Yeah, that makes sense. Of course that's not the real reason, though. No no. The real reason they did not have kids is that one day when they were talking about it, the guys from the Adjustment Bureau suddenly showed up and said, "We're sorry, but we can't let you do this." Because can you imagine a world where there is a child made out of Russell Brand and Katy Perry? Its name would just be a high-pitched wail and it would wear hooded sweatshirts on its feet. That creature could not exist. So the Adjustment Bureau said no. Sorry guys, but no. And that's the real story. [Us Weekly]

Yesterday future Queen of All Inghilterra Kate Middleton made her first public appearance in a few weeks, showing up to the opening of an exhibit about the Olympics in preparation for the start of the 2012 London games, which are just days away. (Eeee!!!) The regal party supply heiress wore a chic electric blue dress and black Prada heels and a necklace with little rings on it, sort of like the Olympic rings. As her carriage passed a commoner the wheel splashed him with mud and he heard a gay little laugh come form within. "The pret'y lady laughed at rotten ol' me!" he said with a near toothless grin. "I 'aven't been this blessed since Prince Andrew ran me over wiff 'is Segway." It was a great day for all, and a great day for England. [People]

So, um, this is awkward and a little sad even because he seems like a nice guy and is definitely a funny one, but Fred Willard, the 78-year-old actor known for Christopher Guest movies and various other things, was arrested in an adult movie theater in Los Angeles for, uh, fredding his willard. Yeah... Oh, Fred. The internet. Are you familiar with it? The internet has all sorts of movies that you can watch and, um, enjoy in the privacy of your own home! No need to go to some ratty old movie theater. Unless, y'know, that's part of it. The being in the ratty old movie theater. In which case... Well, in which case I don't know what to tell you. Better luck next time, I guess. [TMZ]

Grasshopper queen Macy Gray doesn't drink after concerts, she says. Instead she eats a big pile of french fries. Which is surprising! Like, I am really, really surprised. I never would have guessed, you know? Just a total shocker. I mean, did you know that Macy Gray still did concerts?? [Page Six]

Heidi Klum has a rule in her house that her kids have to dress "cool." Sure she's probably being a little tongue-in-cheek about this, but she talks about it like it's a real thing: "Rule No. 1 is always to look cool, and rule No. 2 is don't forget about rule No. 1. We have other rules ... but the No. 1 rule is to always look cool." How does she police this coolness? Well, she patrols the house with her Luger pistol at the ready, helmet on, marching around trying to ferret out any non-coolness. And heaven help the poor soul she finds wearing a turtleneck or, like, a T-shirt from Universal Studios. That is unforgivable. I mean, we all know what happened to Seal. So, watch out. If you're ever at Heidi Klum's house, you'd better be in. Or else you are out. [People]

Curious about what Miss America does during her reign? Well, current queen Laura Kaeppeler seems to mostly go to meaningless sham meetings with politicians and smile a lot. Which is fine! That is a perfectly fine job for a 24-year-old to have for a year. But boy must that be depressing when it ends, huh? What do you do? What do you dooo?? Oh, um, not much. Sigh. Well, enjoy it then, Laura. Give that withered old senator a kiss on his papery cheek and go on your merry way. [Reliable Source]

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