Marissa Mayer Abandons a Guest; The Bachelorette Picks Up a Fiancé

Today in gossip: Silicon Valley's fanciest lady is maybe not the best host, Emily Maynard picks her man (but not until he picks her), and Minka Kelly might be headed for trouble. 

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Queen of Silicon Valley Marissa Mayer, the prominent Google executive recently named CEO of Yahoo (like working for Whole Foods and then going to manage a C-Town), does work for the Global Women's Mentoring Partnership, but apparently doesn't always do it that well. The program, run by the U.S. State Department and Aaron Sorkin Fortune magazine, brings female executives from developing nations to the United States to be mentored by prominent women executives, like Mayer and the sisters from Big Business. Usually the visiting women stay in hotels, but it seems that Mayer likes to have them stay at her house in Palo Alto. Recently though, a mentee arrived from the Middle East and showed up to Mayer's house only to be told a few days later that Mayer and her husband we're going out of town for a while. So she was basically stranded at Mayer's house without anyone to help her out or anything. Of course there was the robot butler and the animatronic dog that speaks Esperanto, but those things are cold comfort when you're a stranger in a foreign land and just looking for a little mentoring. A rep for Fortune, speaking to Page Six, praised Mayer's commitment to the program without confirming or denying the particular story, which of course they would never do if they want to work with the Empress of Internet ever again. Supposedly the neglected mentee moved to a hotel for the last few days of her stay. Oh, and she will be marrying the robot butler, named Glenn, in international waters this fall, so it actually all worked out in the end. [Page Six]
In case you guys missed it because you were too busy watching The Newsroom and learning important lessons about women, the finale of The Bachelorette was last night and, as predicted, Emily picked the robot butler skateboarder Jef Holm. "I hope you have an extra F for me tonight," she said tearily. Haha, no. She didn't say that. But she did pick him, but then in grand, creepy Bachelorette tradition had to wait for him to propose. See that, ladies? Even though the whole show is supposedly about the woman picking, in the end it's not really up to her. Because that's the way the world works. Good message, TV show! Good message to be sending to everyone. Anyway, Jerff did propose and Emily said yes, so they'll be getting sham married in some sort of sham wedding on a sham TV special to air at an unknown date in the future. Congratulations to the fake couple on their fake, terrible romance. And  a special shoutout to Emily's dad, who "gave his blessing" to both final dudes to propose, when he should have been "giving his blessing" to Emily to get the hell out of there instead of doing all this fake disgusting sad stupid stuff. [People]

Ergh. Friday Night Lights star (and Charlie's Angels star! Mustn't forget the Charlie's Angels reboot! Or must we?) Minka Kelly is said to have a "semi-professional" sex tape making the rounds. Yeah, someone is trying to sell the thing, but there's a hitch in that Kelly might not have been of legal age when the tape was made. So... ick. We'd obviously hope for her sake that this thing doesn't see the light of day, and would hope for everyone else's sake that they won't watch it if it does. Which, if it's legal, of course they will. Of course they will watch it! "They." Whoever "they" are. They will watch it. Jealous Derek Jeter fans, perhaps. They might be the "they." Sigh. Poor Lila. She should go on back to Dillon and just lay low for a while. [TMZ]

So... ick. Ashton Kutcher and new main squeeze and longtime pal Mila Kunis (why, Mila, why??) were seen smoochin' at a party over the weekend. They were curled up on a couch and she was running her hand through his plastic hair and rubbing his Pop Chip-encrusted back and then he leaned in for a kiss. Which, oof. Kissing Ashton Kutcher must be like kissing a car seat. Mila, why are you kissing a car seat? Stop kissing that car seat. [Us Weekly]

Oh, dear. Darkling son of the English crown, Prince Harry — heir inapparent, second string, louche lord of licentiousness — is said to be dating a new young lady. And her name is Cressida Bonas. Yes as in, "If you buy the Camry we'll give you the Cressida as a bonus." This girl is apparently the daughter of a business mogul and a former fashion model which is all well and good, but they named her Cressida Bonas, which neither well nor good. Harry, Harry, Harry. I know you can bag any bird you want and this is the bird you currently most want to bag, but you cannot be serious with a girl named Cressida Bonas. Who's next, Tercel Extra? Altima Gratis? Elantra Free? It's just not acceptable. Not acceptable one bit. So just politely tell Cressida to putter off, and come home. Just come home, Harry. We're here. We're waiting. Come on now. Come home. We're here. [New York Daily News]

If you're the type of person who will press play on a video called "Highlights of the Teen Choice Awards 2012," then here is that video, at the bottom of an otherwise pretty disturbing article. The Teen Choice Awards were last night, you see. So. Here's that. [Daily Mail]

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