Today in the world of entertainment: American Idol might put a former contestant behind the judges' table, Philip Seymour Hoffman heads off to kill some children, and Michael Fassbender, well, heads off to kill some people, too. Death and destruction everywhere!
Adam Lambert, American Idol's beloved gay Frankenstein, might be returning to the show that made him famous. The clodhopper-wearing, sharp-haired wailer is maybe headed back to the show as a judge, if a rumor-y report is to be believed. Lambert, as all of you remember I'm sure, was a season 8 favorite — loud, gregarious, dark and "artsy," clearly battin' for Dorothy's team — who eventually lost to the triangle mouthed boy angel known as Kris Allen. But he's remained a fan favorite and has reappeared on the show from time to time to perform his lewd, lurid sex circus act for all to enjoy. So now he would be a judge, which could work out. As a source tells E!, Lambert "knows what it's like to be on the receiving end." OF JUDGING! Oh god, of the judging. Sweet mercy, of the judging. The judging. It's right there later in the quote. "Of the judges' comments." Oh man. Oh golly. Of the judges' comments. The judging. The judges. Sweet misty morning. The judges. Oh, dear. [E!]
Once rumor, now fact. Philip Seymour Hoffman has joined the cast of the second Hunger Games film, Catching Fire. He will be replacing Willow Shields in the role of Primrose Everdeen. Haha, no, that's ridiculous. He'll actually be playing Plutarch Heavensbee. Which... that's not... ridiculous... at all... "Plutarch Heavensbee"??? I mean, I read these books and enjoyed them, but Plutarch Heavensbee?? Good heavensbee, Suzanne Collins. Maybe close the laptop after the third gin and start writing again in the morning. Plutarch Heavensbee. Sounds like someone who knows what it's like to be on the receiving end. Of bees! Of bees. Of bees? Who knows. Anyway, congrats, Phil. You're gonna make some sweet, sweet coin. Not President Coin! Just regular coin. Good god, these names. [Entertainment Weekly]
Hm. Michael Fassbender, who has so far done an expert job of balancing well-received serious stuff with respectable popcorn fare, has signed on to star in a movie adaptation of the video game Assassin's Creed. Which, erg... Video game adaptations tend to be awfully bad and cheap, don't they? Sure some of them are fun and lucrative, but they're never very good. You're better than this, Fassbendy. He's producing the thing, so maybe he'll get some say in making it decent, but this could be a misstep for him. Hopefully the movie will at least have the line "Is that a sword in your pocket or are you just the descendant of an ancient line of assassins who's out to kill the Knights Templar?" That'd be a good line. [The Hollywood Reporter]
Speaking of good actors making not-so-great choices, the dreamy Keri Russell has signed on to star in Dark Skies, a paranormal thriller to be directed by the guy who did Priest and Legion. Oh Keri, no. No, no, no. I know River and Willa have to eat (those are the names of her children — what, is Suzanne Collins their godmother?), but this is just... beneath you. Remember Waitress? Remember how lovely and likable and yay-she's-back Keri Russell was in that movie? I wish she would tap into that energy again, rather than doing this muck. Ah well. Maybe it's a cool script. Plus she's got that pilot The Americans, about the secret Russian spies, that filmed in May, so maybe that will work out. Anyway. Congrats on the money, Keri. [Deadline]
Darren Aronofsky tweeted today that Anthony Hopkins has joined the cast of his big Noah's Ark film Noah (where'd he get that crazy title??). Hopkins will be playing old, old Methuselah in the film. He was, of course, offered the role only after it was turned down by Aronofsky's first choice, Kim Cattrall. [Vulture]
Speaking of old dudes, 7th Heaven's Barry Watson (also known as Sorority Boys' Barry Watson) has been cast on Gossip Girl to be a new love interest for Serena van der Woodsen, the blonde giraffe ghost played by Blake Lively. Who will Watson play? Well, it's not clear yet, but our guess is that he'll be an old hobo who lives at the Port Authority that Serena befriends while gliding by, lost in ghostly wondering. Should be exciting! Also, can you imagine getting that call? "Hey, Blake, yeah, Steph Savage here. Hey, so... listen, we figured out the new Serena love interest." "Oh yeah? Who's playing him???" "Well, uh, um... Barry Watson?" [click] [dial tone] "Blake? Blake? Dammit, Josh, I told you we should have gone with David Gallagher." [The Hollywood Reporter]
I know all the Treme blogs have been clamoring for this news. Everyone on the internet is always like "Treme, Treme, Treme. Gimme more Treme!" All the Tremeheads, as they're called, have been like dying to hear this, so here it is: Treme will be returning to HBO on... September 23rd! So plan all your big Treme parties, y'all! I know you've been dying to! Also, Boardwalk Empire returns 9/16. [Deadline]
Gonna get a big billboard that says "WTF??!!!" and put it outside Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa's house. And then gonna hire a skywriter to write "Robert, WTF??!!?" over his roof. And then will have a marching band march down his street blaring out a little-known Sousa march called "WTF, Aguirre-Sacasa?!?!?" because the Glee writer (and playwright and comic book writer) will soon be penning "Archie Meets Glee." As in the beloved Archie Comics characters — klutzy Archie, rich Veronica, vain Reggie, scorned and probably suicidal Betty, homicidal Moose Mason, deeply closeted Ms. Grundy, slightly less closeted Jughead, abused Midge, drunken but secretly lonely Miss Beazley, shameful snuff-film-owning Mr. Lodge, tokened Chuck & Nancy — will soon be having comic book adventures with the motherf-cking kids from Glee. We suppose we could blame Archie Comics and Fox for this too, but we're going to instead place sole blame on Robert Aguirre-Sacasa. You hear us, Aguirre-Sacasa?? This is all your fault. [Playbill]
Here's a new trailer for John Hillcoat's somewhat tepidly received Cannes entrant Lawless, a bootlegging drama starring Shia LaBeouf and Tom Hardy. Looks kinda basic, right? Just sorta run-of-the-mill. It's just barely sneaking into a summer release, coming out right before Labor Day. Maybe that means it's not so good?