As we watched Colin Powell sing "Call Me Maybe" on CBS This Morning, a little piece of us died, and maybe all of the few remaining shards of the "Call Me Maybe" trend expired as well. A trend, after all, is a precious thing, something to be treasured and protected in private circles and spoken about in hushed tones, not something to be smashed into smithereens on TV via the vocal stylings of a former Secretary of State. If you have not watched this happen, here it is:
Gruesome, indeed. These trend-killers, or, as we here dub them, trenemies, must be stopped. We have identified the most despicable in hopes of preventing further innocent deaths. Note: They are dangerous and prone to act in erratic ways, also, may be armed with horrible dad jokes, social media paraphernalia, and relatively speedy Internet connections.
Trend Killer: Colin Powell. Also, "Old People." Look, just because you're "old" or "a former Secretary of State" doesn't mean you don't have good taste, or can't adopt a trend. You can rock out to whatever the hip kids are listening to in your Chrysler or Ford Taurus all you dang well please. But talking about your love of said trend in public, particularly on television—and, even worse, actually attempting to "play along" with the trend by singing it—is unacceptable. We don't care if you read Fifty Shades of Grey, for goodness sakes, everyone else is and you might as well be informed, but once you're on the nightly news talking about how much you learned from it, you have crossed a line. No longer can we take our trend seriously. It has gone...we'll put this as nicely as we can..."mainstream." (See also: Pretty much anyone on morning and afternoon TV.)