Sacha Baron Cohen Isn't Going Anywhere; Brit and Mitt Are Totes the Same

Today: Sacha Baron Cohen is not getting deported, Britney and Mittney have something in common, and Andy Cohen has a new fella

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Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Sacha Baron Cohen is not getting deported, Britney and Mittney have something in common, and Andy Cohen has a new fella.

Despite reports that he is getting deported, comedian/provocateur Sacha Baron Cohen's people insist that he is not getting booted out of the U.S. The word was that he was in danger of losing his visa because of open warrants in Kansas and Arizona stemming from stunts he pulled while filming Borat and Brüno, but his reps say there are no such warrants. So, that's good? I mean, where are we all on Sacha Baron Cohen these days? Seems like a smart, interesting guy, but also his movies have sort of stopped being either of those things? Is that fair to say? Anyway, good to hear he won't be sent back to England in a leaky cargo hold, at least, which is what they did to poor Maggie Smith in the '70s. Terrible thing, that. [TMZ]

What do animate popcorn shrimp Britney Spears and slacks with a speaking voice Mitt Romney have in common? No, not ideas about healthcare policy. They have the same $55,000 car elevator in their houses! Yes, for some reason we've gone and made the fact that loaded potato skin Spears and salt-and-pepper rice cake Romney both own a Phantom Park car elevator into a news story of some sort. Aren't you glad you know this? Look, Spears owns a lot of crazy things. So if Romney also owned a solid gold Power Wheels, that would be a story. If Romney owned, like Spears owns, a jewel-encrusted Topsy Tail, then we could talk about it. But a car elevator? What even is a car elevator? Nobody knows. Call us when Mitt Romney is found in possession of a platinum and diamond Caboodles makeup case. Because that's a story. [Us Weekly]

America's gay uncle who's actually just a family friend Andy Cohen was seen canoodling with a mystery man out in the Hamptons last weekend. He and the mystery fella were on a tucked away East Hampton beach lying on towels and being all kissy-kissy, leggy-leggy with each other. Which is nice for them. Isn't that all terribly romantic. You know what isn't romantic? Some of the comments on that little article! "tmi," "gross," "Did we really have to know about this?" YES you did have to know about it. You know why? Because it's Page Six and Andy Cohen is sort of a staple of the New York media scene at this point. I know it pains you, Glenda Barker, Bobby Linker, and Gerard Ascolese, the names of the three commenters mentioned, to hear about two men kissing on a beach, but oh well. Maybe don't read New York gossip columns in 2012 then? Maybe don't do that? Oh well. Sorry. G'bye. (Also it's our understanding that Andy Cohen dates lotsa guys, so maybe this was just some one-weekend summertime trick. But who knows.) [Page Six]

It's Edward Cullen's birthday today. No, not Robert Pattinson's, the actor who plays him in the Twilight films. Actual Edward Cullen. Yeah, someone has determined that it's the huggable vamp's 111th birthday today, so how are you celebrating? Maybe taking your favorite Edward Cullen poster to your bed and showing it your utmost appreciation? Perhaps calling your boyfriend and saying "We have to do it again" and he comes over and sits there glumly while you fluff up his hair and paint his face white? Or maybe just watching the Twilight movies over and over again on a loop all day, weeping and gurgling, mouth smeared with ice cream, sun poking out from behind heavy drawn curtains, somewhere a cat sleeping a restless, hot sleep in the bathtub. God knows that's what we're doing! Happy Eddie's Day! [E!]

Michelle Williams and her current beau Jason Segel were seen at the Tony-winning Broadway show One Man, Two Guvnors this week and were looking very "lovey dovey," according to one fellow theatergoer. So that's cute for them, going to support the theater instead of blurring around 1Oak or having cocaine parties on the roof of the Standard. Well, maybe they are doing those things, but we're not hearing about it, so they must be doing them discreetly. Well done, you two. [Page Six]

In case you missed it yesterday, Johnny Depp and longtime partner Vanessa Paradis have officially broken up. Though they have two children, a 13-year-old and a 10-year-old, they never married, so Paradis gets NOTHING. Well, no, come on, of course she'll get something, she's not going to move to a motel. This isn't about money anyway, it's about love fading and frittering away, so let's be respectful. Except omg apparently Johnny might be hooking up with his own publicist??? Or maybe known bisexual Amber Heard??? Tell us everything!! Outta the way, Vanessa! [Page Six]

As a little framing device for this New York Observer story about outing gay celebrities, there's an anecdote about a young actor spotted being, well, lovey dovey with another young gentleman at a party, and then at the end of the article the big surprise reveal is that the actor is Gossip Girl twink Chace Crawford. So, uh ohhhh, do with that what you will. [New York Observer]

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