Nobody Wants to Watch Justin Bieber

Today: Justin Bieber sinks on TV, Jessica Sanchez heads to TV, and Disney has a little branding trouble.

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The Call Sheet sifts through the day's glut of Hollywood news to find the stories even non-industry types care about. Today: Justin Bieber sinks on TV, Jessica Sanchez heads to TV, and Disney has a little branding trouble.

You might be dying in his arms and wishing he was your boyfriend, but none of y'all actually want to watch Justin Bieber on the telly. That's according to the ratings for his NBC TV concert special last night, which drew in a paltry 3.3 million viewers and a 0.9 rating. Yikes! Apparently during the special, Bieber said "I’m experiencing what the Beatles went through, what Michael Jackson went through," which, uh, well... No, actually. No. You're experiencing what... mayyybe... Justin Timberlake went through? And that's a big maybe. You're doing well, kid, and the new album is appropriately a little more grownup, but let's not get ahead ourselves here. After all, a bunch of your supposed fans had better things to do last night than watch your special. Things like, I dunno, listen to Michael Jackson and Beatles music. [Entertainment Weekly]

While on the topic of teen queens, this season's American Idol runner-up Jessica Sanchez may soon be signing a deal to appear on several episodes of Fox's karaoke seance Glee. How's that for network synergy! There's no word yet on who Sanchez will play, but this being Glee we can assume that, no matter the character, she'll make a splashy but arbitrary seeming first appearance and will then be quickly forgotten about only to be awkwardly resurrected when the plotting is convenient. [TV Line]

Apparently Disney is having trouble trademarking the name of its new movie Brave as well as the term "Disney Pixar Brave" for two funny reasons. The first one is that the Atlanta Braves don't want the trademark to apply to, among other things: "jams; jellies; potato chips; processed nuts; milk and milk products excluding ice cream, ice milk and frozen yogurt." Ha. Wait, why not ice cream? Also, "ice milk"? Sure thing. Nothing I like more after a long velocipede ride than a nice, refreshing mug of ice milk. Just take that health tonic with a little ice milk and you'll hardly notice the castor oil taste! Very funny. (TBS is also based in Atlanta.) The other reason is that the guy approving "Disney Pixar Brave" didn't seem to know that Disney bought Pixar so had some concerns about trademarking that. So... ha. The movie's still coming out and everything, it's just that Disney is a little worried about its stranglehold on every single ounce of profitability it can wring from this movie. That's all. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Good news: I know you were worried that the Reese Witherspoon movie based on Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus was going to be really bad, but they've just found a guy who has directed a bunch of Super Bowl commercials to direct the movie, so you don't have to worry anymore. Yup, it's over. No more worrying. I mean, what's the point of worrying if you know the world is going to end? The Nothing will inevitably arrive from the west in the form of this movie and we will all be devoured by it so we might as well enjoy life while we can. Why waste it on worry. Me, I'm gonna go find Stevie Carell and Kiki Knightley and we're gonna have some wistful adventures together, that's what I'm doing. You go enjoy yourself too. Because when Venus and Mars crash into each other in a great and terrible celestial doom ballet and then Earth spins off its axis and is torn apart as it dashes itself on a jagged tear in space-time, there will be nothing to do about it. So enjoy the time you have. Because Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus is coming and it's being directed by a Super Bowl ad guy and that's just fact. [Deadline]

Busy Bobby Cannavale has signed on to star alongside Al Pacino in this fall's planned Broadway revival of David Mamet's Glengarry Glen Ross. That play was just here in 2005, so I'm not quite sure why they're bringing it back, but probably because Pacino wanted to do it. Cannavale will play the part that Pacino played in the 1992 movie. So, look forward to that, I guess. Two Mamet plays on Broadway next season. Sigh. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Here is a trailer for the new windie (wistful indie? No?) comedy Celeste and Jessie Forever, starring Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg as a divorcing couple who just can't stay away from each other... as friends. (Like that ellipses there? I feel like that's what was written on a pitch thing or something.) It looks cute and has good actors (Jones' Monogamy costar Chris Messina, for one) and appears to be filmed nicely. It was well-received at Sundance. So, sure. We'll take it.

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