Miley Cyrus Is Engaged to Be Married; Octomom Will Stay Clothed

Today: Hannah Montana is growing up, Sean Parker and Shawn Fanning have a disastrous debut, and Octomom will not strip.

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Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Hannah Montana is growing up, Sean Parker and Shawn Fanning have a disastrous debut, and Octomom will not strip.

Cue up the jug band, our little girl is gettin' hitched. Yes indeedy, Miley Cyrus, former Disney teen star turned semi-feral almost-adult, is officially engaged to her beau of three plus years, actor Liam Hemsworth, brother of Chris, son of Odin. Cyrus is 19, Hemsworth is 22. So that's awfully young! These Hemsworth boys are family men, it seems — Chris, at 28, is married to 35-year-old actress Elsa Pataky, who just gave birth to the couple's first child. Don't worry, though. Cyrus won't actually be a teen bride unless the couple gets married before November, when the singer/actress will turn 20 and finally shed her child skin and become a full adult. We wish them both the best, of course. [Us Weekly]

Oh dear. There were apparently so many glitches during yesterday's premiere of Sean Parker and Shawn Fanning's new video service Airtime that the celebs in attendance, who were on hand to demonstrate how the service worked, had to fill dead air time (heh) with awkward jokes and ad libs. Community actor and The Soup host, so no stranger to ego and calamity, Joel McHale had to apparently work the crowd for five minutes while Sean/Shawn tinkered with things, and video patch-ins from Snoop Dogg and Olivia Munn froze and cut out. The Sean/Shawn collective blamed the problems on an intranet created for the event, not their new baby, but whatever the reason, it was not a terribly successful debut. At some point Parker apparently said, "We really have no business being in the technology business right now." Which, OK. [Page Six]

Speaking of catastrophes, it seems that Nadya Suleman, dubbed Octomom for giving birth to octuplets a few years back (she has 14 kids total), will not in fact be making her stripper debut at a Florida strip club, as had been promised/threatened. Suleman has canceled her gig at T's Lounge in Palm Beach because she thinks the staff has been making fun of her. So, cancel the plane tickets. Call the hotel and tell them to release your room. What's the point of going to Palm Beach now? Just forget it all, forget the whole damn thing. You know, you think you have something to look forward to and then you just don't. You just freaking don't. [TMZ]

You know who knows from disappointment? Jack Abramoff knows from disappointment. The poor, misunderstood lobbyist has been out of the clink for a couple years now, he's written a book and everything, but still the snoot-noses over at the Manor Country Club in Rockville, MD, don't want him to join. Members are apparently uneasy with a convicted felon golfing in their midst. But eh, screw it, Abramoff says he's not interested anyway, because he doesn't have time to play golf and, y'know, he can't afford a fancy country club. So there, Manor Country Club. He didn't want to join anyway. He just submitted the application as favor to a friend and it was mostly a joke and who cares, no he's not crying this is just what he looks like when he's happy and everything's super awesome so shut up. [Reliable Source]

Sad thing: Jill Zarin, the hard-charging fabric store owner fired from Real Housewives of New York after last season, showed up to a bunch of the premiere parties on Monday night. Meaning the premiere of the season she's not on, because she got fired. Of course she's saying that she was just stopping by to congratulate people, but, y'know, a picture and a mention in Page Six doesn't hurt. Oh, Jill. Jill, Jill, Jill. Didn't you almost have it all? Meanwhile, the Countess Lu Ann De Lesseps was seen at her party taking a call, yelling into her phone, "T's Lounge? Yeah, I danced there before. Octomom's out? Yeah, I could fill in. I still get a free dinner, right? All right, book it Rico." [Page Six]

Singer Sheryl Crow has announced that she has a brain tumor, but that it's not malignant. It's a benign growth that shouldn't even require surgery. So, that's good news. And it means we can go back to peeling the labels off these bottles of Bud in peace. That's all we want to do. [People]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.