Jennifer Aniston's Ring Is Just a Ring; Chris Brown and Drake Close a Club

Today: Jen is not engaged you guys, Chris Brown and Aubrey Graham just put a lot of people out of work, and Charlie Sheen did not destroy that hotel room

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Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Jen is not engaged you guys, Chris Brown and Aubrey Graham just put a lot of people out of work, and Charlie Sheen did not destroy that hotel room.

We were allll excited yesterday to hear the news that Jennifer Aniston, an old lonely crone who finally caught another man in her trap (which is a brassiere lying on the ground with a cage made out of sticks attached to a string hanging above it), was spotted wearing a big diamond ring after a trip to Europe with her man-toy Justin Theroux. But now everyone's like "Holllld up, it's just a regular-ass ring that she wears all the time." Yeah, it seems that Janiston has been photographed wearing the item in the past year, so it's not some new exciting thing that she was given while Champsing on Justin's Élysées. So, that's too bad. Looks like Jen will have to sit it out in her witch cabin in the woods for a little while longer. Someday you'll marry, Jennifer. And then the curse will be broken and Angelina will shriek and shriek as she feels her powers disappearing. But for now, she's still Maleficent and Jen, well, Jen is still just plain ol' Jen. [People]

Ha. The stupid nightclub where Chris Brown and Aubrey "Drake" Graham, you know Aubrey Graham from Degrassi: The Next Generation, got in a big bottle-throwing fight has now had its liquor license suspended and probably won't open again. They've apparently been the host to several fights since April and the police department is just sick and tired of dealing with it. So, no more booze at W.i.P. You'll have to go elsewhere for your downtown club fun, jerks! Maybe try the Beatrice Inn? Oh wait, haha, no that's gone too. Guess it's Marquee or Tenjune for you. 1Oak if you're lucky. Or Shelter? Is Shelter still a thing? Bungalow 8 is gone, right? Sigh, remember Bungalow 8? [TMZ]

Speaking of clurbs, actor Chris Pine was at the chichi Hotel Americano in New York last night promoting his new movie Emotions: A Drama or whatever that movie is called, and he was swarmed by a bevy of admiring women to the point that he was almost pushed into the pool. Luckily for everyone he then started throwing bottles and got the hotel's liquor license revoked so it's not a problem anymore. Or, no, well, actually he just laughed it off and went to go chain-smoke with some male friends, apparently. Just another weeknight for Chris Pine. [Page Six]

Though there have been reports that Charlie Sheen, model citizen, trashed his Ritz hotel room during a hookers party while in New York with ex-wife Denise Richards, both Sheen's camp and the hotel deny the story. Word was that Sheen has now been banned from all Ritz properties, but a robotic sounding spokesperson for the swanky hotel chain has said "Mr. Sheen is absolutely welcome in any Ritz-Carlton hotel in the portfolio." In the portfolio. Oh, go home, Ritz spokesperson. Really? Be a human, come on. You poop too, you know. And as for Sheen? Well, who knows and really who cares? One more hotel-destroying hooker party added to the pile isn't all that remarkable. What's remarkable is that it is the year of our lord 2012 and we are still talking about Charlie Sheen. Who would have guessed that anything would come after Hot Shots: Part Deux? Thanks a lot, Chuck Lorre. [Us Weekly]

Sad former 'NSYNCer Chris Kirkpatrick apparently sang "Bye Bye Bye" at a karaoke bar in Orlando recently and he changed some lyrics to be about anal sex, because sigh. When talking about this gag, TMZ says "and no, it wasn't Lance Bass," because sigh. The whole thing is a big ol' sigh. Do you think Chris Kirkpatrick still has any 'NSYNC money left? Was there any money? Did they get robbed and cheated like the Backstreet Boys? Is Lou Pearlman still alive? Is JC Chasez? Why is Florida still a state? All important questions posed by this story. [TMZ]

Rumor is that if longtime Today Show chore monkey Natalie Morales doesn't get to replace Ann Curry in the anchor seat once that poor woman is fired, she'll be peacing from the network. Peace, NBC. Supposedly third-hour host Savannah Guthrie, who needs to change her fool name right quick, will be the replacement, but Morales obviously wants it. We think they could do the same show with Matt, Al, and Willard Scott in a wig and an old-timey Victorian sailor costume, but that's just us. Think about it, NBC. You wouldn't have to hire anyone new and you know Willard would be up for it. Think of the news lead-ins. "Happy Smuckers 100th birthday to the earthquake that has just devastated mainland China." "A Smuckers jelly happy 100th to the campus shooting we're just learning about at Texas A&M." Could be great! [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.