Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Old widow Aniston might be engaged, take a look at Will & Kate's schedules, and Jon Hamm has been robbed.
In case you've been living in a cave or have been, y'know, like reading real books or taking walks with friends or something and missed the news, sad lonely spinster Jennifer Aniston and her current man friend Justin Theroux have been on a European tour together, snuggling in Paris, canoodling in Rome, fighting gangsters in Albania. (One hopes, at least.) Well, they got back yesterday and at the airport Aniston was seen with a big ol' diamond ring on her hand. It was on her right ring finger, not her left, so maybe it's not an engagement ring? But come on, it's totally an engagement ring! They were scouting wedding locations in Europe! Jennifer Aniston may soon not be the old loveless crone that she's been for years and years! Wouldn't that be something. Meanwhile in England, Brad Pitt lays awake at night, trying to fall asleep, but too busy worrying about his troubled movie World War Z. And so he was awake, blinking in the dark, when Angelina stirred in bed next to him and said in her sleep, with a whisper of conviction, "Jussssstinn..." and then fell silent. [Page Six]
Curious to know how William, future Master of Britain, and his bride, Lady Kate the Merciful, spend their days? Well here's a little rundown of their schedules (shed-you-oools) that probably isn't exactly accurate. It's filled with the usual boring things — Wills heads to work at the helicopter factory or whatever it is that he does, while Kate stays home and eats oatmeal and has charity news read to her. The couple might meet up for dinner if Wills is available, but otherwise Kate might see her sister Pippa (if Pippa isn't busy waving guns at photographers in Ibiza or whatever) or dine alone, the heavy silverware clanking on her plate, the tick of a grandfather clock her only company. So, ho hum, basically. Of course this schedule is a bit of a PR move — it's so genteel it's boring. The reasoning for the ruse being that much of the public, well those that don't understand British customs anyway, would probably be shocked to see the real schedule, which goes something like "2pm: Beheading at Tower of London, make speech about loyalty while standing in the blood. (Kate). 4pm: Callously eat sweet meats and cheeses while hearing report from trusted vizier about starvation among the peasants, say 'Damn curs,' when referring to said peasants. (William & Kate). 7pm: Declare Primae Noctis after seeing fetching young chamber maid in Piccadilly (Harry pretending to be William)." That's the real deal. And that's what makes royalty so great. [Us Weekly]
Speaking of wealthy British noblemen, One Direction's resident cheeky bastard Harry Styles has bought himself a new Ferrari and was seen driving it around Los Angeles recently. Really, Harry? A Ferrari? I know you're an 18-year-old boyband star so there's really nothing to stop you from making foolish purchases, but save your money, kid. Save it. Lease an Audi or something, jeez. You don't even know how to drive on the right side of the road! Seems risky. That's all I'm saying. Think about the guys in O-Town. There but for the grace of an honest accountant go you. [TMZ]
Jon Hamm and his longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt were in London promoting their movie Friends With Kids when Westfeldt's purse was stolen at a restaurant, and the thief used her hotel key to rob the couple's room. Westfeldt says that the police are involved, but there is no word yet on what's missing. In a completely unrelated story, if any of you are interested in purchasing some of Jon Hamm's underwear that I recently, um, found. [Page Six]
Teen varmint Miley Cyrus's fiance Liam Hemsworth, a demigod who, with his brother Chris, crawled out of Ayers Rock one mystical night, is in New Orleans filming a movie, so while he was away Miley spent her time going to the club with her friends, dancing to Rihanna music and doing photo booth photoshoots with a galpal. So, this just in: A 19-year-old whose boyfriend was out of town went out with her friends and danced to pop songs and took photos of herself. Also breaking today: The pope admits that he, does, in fact, shit in the woods. [People]
Oh dear. Messy Teen Mom 2 star Jenelle Evans and her fiance are
partying it up with Miley in jail at the moment. Or at least were recently, presumably in North Carolina, where Evans is from. Head is/was in the clink for allegedly assaulting Evans, while she's locked up for drug possession. If convicted, Head would likely face a dishonorable discharge from the military, while Evans would likely get another MTV show because holy god has that network kinda ruined a lot of these kids' lives! Sure they have some money and are famous or whatever, but that is not necessarily a good thing. It probably isn't, even. What a disaster. Ah well. At least North Carolina is still a family values state. [Us Weekly]
Now that one of Dick Cheney's offspring is married to another woman, who will be the next Republican mover-and-shaker to get gay married? Well, there's a gay guy running for Congress from Massachusetts whose had the same partner for 18 years. And no it's not Barney Frank in a disguise calling himself Farney Bank. It's an actual other gay guy from Massachusetts, a Republican, named Richard Tisei. Other than that, well... Actually that's all anyone could come up with. So. Happy pride, Republicans. [Reliable Source]
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.
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