Jennifer Aniston Laughs Through the Tears; A Tony Awards Preview

Today: Jennifer Aniston parodies herself, Patrick Schwarzenegger defiles himself, and Rihanna and Chris have an awkward encounter.

This article is from the archive of our partner .

Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Jennifer Aniston parodies herself, Patrick Schwarzenegger defiles himself, and Rihanna and Chris have an awkward encounter.

Supposedly Jennifer Aniston, scorned Lilith to Angelina Jolie's Eve, is making some sort of short film with her current beau Justin Theroux that makes fun of all the tabloid coverage surrounding her. It's some sort of campaign thing for Smartwater, the brand of water made from Aniston's own distilled tears (they just show her pictures from 2002 and she weeps and weeps), but it's also serious business, a comment on how the media is always whispering about her personal life. Specifically, in this case, they mean the whole "Will she get married again? Will she have a baby?" speculation, which exists. But really most of the whispering about Jennifer Aniston has to do with whether she ever just stands in her big empty home listening to the stove clock ticking, wondering if she stays still for long enough she'll sink into the walls and disappear. That's what people really want to know. They want to know if sometimes she'll take a bottle of wine out to the terrace and pour two glasses, leaving the one sitting on the table untouched, as if she's waiting for someone who will never come. Those are the big rumors and mysteries. Hope this short parody Smartwater film will address some of those question. [Page Six]

Oh nooo. Patrick Schwarzenegger, destiny-kissed ephebe son of Arnold, has gone and foolishly gotten himself a tattoo, sullying his perfect form and ruining his chances of ever being buried in a Jewish cemetery. Worse still is his choice of tattoo: A small 'A' on the side of his middle finger. 'A' does not stand for Arnold. It stands, apparently, for "A squad," which is the rather embarrassing name that Patrick and his high school buddies have given their little social group. Ooooof. I was gonna say he will regret that in a year, but sheesh he'll regret that in six months. Paddy boy, whatcha doing, huh? Whatcha doing? At least it's small. At least there's that. But no more tattoos, young man. The world has big plans for you, so you can't waste your time on tattoos and silly high school nostalgia. Move forward, young spirit! Don't look back. Never look back. [TMZ]

Uh oh. Singer Rihanna and her troubled ex-boyfriend Chris Brown were at the same nightclub last weekend and kept giving each other shade from across the room. This all went down at Greystone Manor, an ominously named club in West Hollywood, where Brown was with his alleged new girlfriend Karrueche Tran (that is a spy's name if ever I've heard one) and Rihanna was with friends, including comedian Kevin Hart. So it seems the two exes spent the night shooting each other nasty looks and glares, except when Rihanna had to walk by his table to go to the bathroom, when she didn't acknowledge him at all. Crazy town. Absolutely nuts. Two people in their early 20s who used to date kind of ran into each other while out at a bar and things were awkward. Gosh, celebrities' lives are so different from ours! [Page Six]

The mother of Isabella Barrett from Toddlers in Tiaras, the child beauty pageant show, says that her daughter, called Bella, has quit pageants after a video of Bella's mom and friends commanding the child to sing and dance like she's a trained animal, went viral. The controversy wasn't that the adults were using the small, clearly confused child as a prop, it's that they made her sing "I'm Sexy and I Know It." Which is gross, yes, but not nearly as gross as the way they are yelling at her to sing and put her hands up and put the microphone near her mouth. Anyway, Bella will no longer be pageanting because that video brought her family too much negative attention. And so, not wanting any more attention, Bella's mom Susanna bravely did an interview with Radar Online about how she does not want any more attention. No more gossip, she told the gossip website. No more rumors, she shrieked into the rumor mill. It's just bound to work. [Radar]

Heh, here's a little theater bit in preparation for Sunday night's Tonyyyy Awarrrrdssss. Apparently Tony nominee Tracie Bennett is so good at sounding like Judy Garland when she plays her in the show End of the Rainbow that people ask for refunds because they think she was just lip-synching. "At least one person at most every performance," assumes she's mouthing along to a track, says a theater employee. So that is pretty impressive! She must be very good. Too bad Audra McDonald will likely beat her on Sunday. Even though Audra McDonald already has four, count 'em four, Tonys. Stop hogging the Tonys, Audra. Sitting on all that Private Practice money, still hungry for Tonys. It just isn't fair. [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.