Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Jennifer Aniston parodies herself, Patrick Schwarzenegger defiles himself, and Rihanna and Chris have an awkward encounter.
Supposedly Jennifer Aniston, scorned Lilith to Angelina Jolie's Eve, is making some sort of short film with her current beau Justin Theroux that makes fun of all the tabloid coverage surrounding her. It's some sort of campaign thing for Smartwater, the brand of water made from Aniston's own distilled tears (they just show her pictures from 2002 and she weeps and weeps), but it's also serious business, a comment on how the media is always whispering about her personal life. Specifically, in this case, they mean the whole "Will she get married again? Will she have a baby?" speculation, which exists. But really most of the whispering about Jennifer Aniston has to do with whether she ever just stands in her big empty home listening to the stove clock ticking, wondering if she stays still for long enough she'll sink into the walls and disappear. That's what people really want to know. They want to know if sometimes she'll take a bottle of wine out to the terrace and pour two glasses, leaving the one sitting on the table untouched, as if she's waiting for someone who will never come. Those are the big rumors and mysteries. Hope this short parody Smartwater film will address some of those question. [Page Six]
Oh nooo. Patrick Schwarzenegger, destiny-kissed ephebe son of Arnold, has gone and foolishly gotten himself a tattoo, sullying his perfect form and ruining his chances of ever being buried in a Jewish cemetery. Worse still is his choice of tattoo: A small 'A' on the side of his middle finger. 'A' does not stand for Arnold. It stands, apparently, for "A squad," which is the rather embarrassing name that Patrick and his high school buddies have given their little social group. Ooooof. I was gonna say he will regret that in a year, but sheesh he'll regret that in six months. Paddy boy, whatcha doing, huh? Whatcha doing? At least it's small. At least there's that. But no more tattoos, young man. The world has big plans for you, so you can't waste your time on tattoos and silly high school nostalgia. Move forward, young spirit! Don't look back. Never look back. [TMZ]