Love is hard. Romantic movies make it harder. We've lived through lifetimes of rom-coms and romances and the occasional dramas that make relationships seem ever so simple or sometimes complicated but still beautiful... If you only wait it out and sleep in your makeup and make sure to attend weddings with your gay best friend, and love dogs and do the right thing and are fully aware of when he or she is or is not just that into you. And we are tired. Tired of the lies. Tired of the misleading details. Tired of being fooled into thinking that real life works this way, and therefore our expectations are completely and totally reasonable and why hasn't anyone flown a plane overhead explaining how devoted they are to us? Sure, The Five-Year Engagement may have been a flop, but that doesn't mean it didn't imperil thousands of Americans with unrealistic romantic expectations, and, further, continue a long tradition of movies cementing bad habits and relationship turmoil. Let's put a stop to it, here and now. Here are the ways in which Hollywood lies. It probably cheats, too.
You will never have to choose between two amazing men (or women) who love you equally and utterly but in completely opposite ways. One will not be a brunette, and one will not be a blonde, because you either like blondes or you like brunettes. One will also not be a hunter while the other is a bread-maker, and one will not be courageous and strong and your best friend while the other loves you unconditionally, even, maybe, after he's been driven mad by corrupt governmental forces. Neither of them will want to kill you, unless you're complaining about taking out the garbage again, and in that case, it's only figuratively. Nor will you have to choose between your adoring, perfect boyfriend or girlfriend and his/her annoying, perfect best friend. More likely, you will tolerate the annoying best friend who's always making the dumb jokes or talking about shopping because your beloved adores that person, foul piece of humanity he or she may be, and, more importantly, when you make fun of the BFF your beloved tends to get really annoyed and denies you sex.