Beard Envy Makes Men Sound Like Prepubescent Boys

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Is it big enough? Will it get bigger when I get older? Can I take pills to make it bigger?  How about testosterone, will that help? The sad part is these are questions grown men asking about their beards (or lack thereof). The New York Times' Steven Kurutz laments about his lack of facial hair (he can only grow a goatee) in an article today, which examines how bearded hipsters and baseball players have teamed up to make less hairy men insecure--insecure enough to pursue pills (from companies preying on their insecurities) and even testosterone injections (this is not advised).  And there are times where Kurutz's self-deprecating humor makes him sound like a boy asking about puberty. "My facial hair seems to have grown thicker in my 30s. Is it possible, I wondered, that I’ll continue to sprout whiskers and grow a beard later in life?" asked Kurutz. Well, the answer is no. But Kurutz's sad tale begs the bigger question: What would drive a grown man to act this silly? Well, it turns out that men with beards are basically the high school jocks of the adult world and that world is their locker room. Oh, and bearded dudes are jerks:

As Mr. Wilson explained to me in an e-mail, many men who suffer from this “terribly profound personal problem” are “extremely distressed” by their lack of beard-growing capability. They experience “pain and suffering” and “face ridicule” from their bearded friends. They can even be “intimidated by the sight of someone with a great beard.”

For Kurutz's sob story, head on over to the New York Times.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.