Last night was American Idol's sneak attack Tuesday night Finale Part One, a brisk and efficient hour that wasted very little time.
Well, ha, it wasted time in that who really cares who wins between Phillip Phillips and Jessica Sanchez? Sure it'll be mildly interesting I suppose, just because the answer to a question that spent five months getting asked will of course always be interesting, but this could have been a better finale had the pair been different. As it stands, it's just an incongruous duo of talented but uninspiring singers. It's hard to tell who the show favors, but I suspect it's Jessica, just so they can break the great no-girl curse that has plagued them since they made the mistake of eating from that witch's vegetable garden. ("Especially the beans!") To that end, Ryan introduced the competition last night as "a 21-year-old pawn shop worker vs. a 16-year-old powerhouse." Jessica got "powerhouse" while dumpy old Phil Phillips got "pawn shop worker." Nothing else they could say about him. That is the acme of descriptors for Phil Phillips. Oh well.
The truly beautiful thing about this episode was that they were in it to freaking win it. Not the contestants, they were whatever, but rather the producers were in it to win it. Or at least they were in it to get the hell outta there and get home, because they got this thing done in one hour with only moderate breaks for judging and no other frills. Nothing. It was just boom boom boom, and then the show was done. Guys, this is how you should do it always! You could get home as early as you did last night every night! Think of all the time you could spend with your kids or your wives or boyfriends or cats or Fleshlights or whatever you like to do when you get home. Next season make American Idol a lean, mean aerodynamic hour. And make the elimination episode a half hour. To fill the empty timeslot you could air a show that's just Tim Urban making omelets for a half hour. Everyone would watch and during sweeps he wouldn't wear clothes. Problem solved, where's my parking space at Fox HQ?