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With all this nice weather here on the East Coast, it's beginning to feel a lot like summer. Yeah, yeah, it's only the middle of April and we're probably getting ahead of ourselves, but still: There are some important things you can do right now to start getting ready for America's greatest season. Here is our list of ten ways to get an early jump on making Summahtime 2012 the best one ever.
Stare at Your Legs
Stare at your legs, in the harsh beams of daylight. Stare at your pale, pale legs, wonder what could have possibly happened to make them get that way, and let them immerse you, let this be the shade that you feel most at home in, let it be blinding in the way of an epiphany, a message from Jesus, or heaven, or from whomever you'd like a message (that cute next door neighbor, perhaps?). Remind yourself that there is no sense in working to get a tan, a tan that will only peel off and set the fear of melanoma in your heart. Stare at your legs. They look nice, no? Tans are for fools. Of all things, steel yourself against self-tanner and its strange, orange manifestations and uneven application process in the best of times. Read fashion magazines that tell you how pale is all the rage. When a strange man comments on your skin tone, tell him it's not like he's the beauty of our time. Shade your eyes with your sunglasses (Always Have Sunglasses) and run.
Make a Bunch of Half-Assed Travel Plans
This is the summer, man! This is it. This is when you finally get up off your sweaty duff and go out to Montauk or Rehoboth Beach or that nice little town by the lake for a weekend. It's only an hour or two away and you keep saying you will every year, so now that you're safely a good month and a half from Memorial Day, this is the time to swear up and down, to make pacts with friends, that this is gonna be the year. The city is so miserable in the summer, you just need to get out. It's so easy you can picture it! Getting on the commuter train and then, who knows, just relaxing for a couple days. That's as far as your imagination takes it, but seriously. Seriously guys. This is the summer. (This is not the summer.)
Promise to Never Wear Flipflops Again
Speaking of the city being gross in the summer, you know how black and horrible your feet get when you wear flipflops while walking around town? Well, no more. Nope. Right now, with this first early blush of warm weather, this is the time to declare to friends, family, whoever will listen that your feet shall turn grimy and horrifying no longer! No more flipflops. Yes they are the most comfortable things ever and so easy to put on and who can bother with socks in hot weather, but really. It's just too gross. So, declare yourself flipflop free from now on and then the minute it's above 85 promptly slap on a pair and head off because what are feet, really?
Peruse Your Wardrobe
Consider, especially, shoes, shoes of the non flippity-floppity variety, and sleeveless items of clothing, particularly if you are of the female persuasion. Shoes are your enemy from here on out, look at them warily. You are about to enter into a daily alliance in which only one of you will win, and it will most likely be your shoes, which means that every so often you will traipse home from a bar barefoot because your shoes have murdered your feet in their daily Survivor face-off. You will the next day shod your blackened soles in a different pair, and it will be better for a while, and then it will be worse again—each pair has the strange power to cut you in anew! At the end of the season there may be one or two trusty shoes that you consider actual, genuine friends, and it will break your heart because you'll have to throw them away, so disgusting are they by summer's end. Invest in Band-Aids and carry them with you at all times. Also, buy tank tops. They never last more than one season without getting those unsightly armpit stains, and you cannot have that.
Consider Summer Savings