The Most Evocative Terms for Male Facial Hair

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In Friday's Wall Street Journal there's a deeply evocative piece on the many and varied mustaches styles of baseball players, ranging from John Axford's Robert Goulet Memorial-winning "lip sweater" to the facial fringes of players like Al Hrabosky (angry), Rollie Fingers (handlebar), and Derek Holland (a stash that writer Scott Cacciola describes as "really awful"). These are just a few of the words one can use to describe the hair that grows under a man's nose and around his chin—there are many, so many, more. More words, perhaps, than we use to convey "love" in the human experience! And each is unique like a snowflake, a little bit different, a little bit something.

So on this spring Friday, inspired by Cacciola's article, we attempted to collect them. Lip sweater is just the tip of the facial hair iceberg, which includes the following, gathered from about the Internet:

Chin curtain. Natural. Hungarian. Dali. English. Imperial. Freestyle. Fu Manchu. Pancho Villa. Handlebar. Horseshoe. Pencil. Chevron. Toothbrush. Walrus. Mouth brow. Nose neighbor. Lady tickler. Trash stash. Crumb catcher. Fanny duster. Push broom. Nose bug. Mobile tea strainer. Cookie duster. Chester. Creeper. Mistache. Groucho Marx. Kaiser Wilhelm. Face fungus. Whiskers. Beard. Goatee. Moustachio. Flavor saver. Bristles. Grass grin. Lip foliage. Tash. Tache. Mo. Doormat. Five o'clock shadow. Sluggers. Ziff. Bum fluff. Charlie Chaplin. Gene Shalit. Mustachio. Hitler stash. Porn star. Trucker. Undercover brother. Stacher. Vontses (in Yiddish). Peach fuzz. Lip wig. Tom Selleck. Stubble. Muttonchops. Burnsides. Sideburns. Sidelocks. Tuft. Weepers. Van Dyke. Abe Lincoln. Dundrearies. Hirsute. 

As Cacciola writes, "There's a self-evident truth about ballplayers with mustaches: Ballplayers with mustaches love talking about mustaches." But there's a greater self-evident truth evidenced by the reaction to his piece in the Wall Street Journal: Everyone loves talking about lip sweaters. It's human nature. 

Image via Shutterstock by Holbox.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.