Lindsay Lohan Headed to Nerd Prom; Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher Are So Dating

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Welcome to the Smart Set. Today: Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are doing thing people who date do, Megan Fox is pregnant, and there but for the grace of Greta van Sustern goes Lindsay Lohan to Saturday's White House Correspondents' Association Dinner.

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher -- who recently assured us they were not dating -- apparently went off on a three-day weekend getaway together. Why do they have to lie like that? Just a "no comment" with a little grin (in the voice, the voice grin) and everyone will see what you're up to and that you wish to be left alone. Don't these two know about Gary Hart? [Page Six]

In less mind-bogglingly offensive news: it seems Megan Fox and husband Brian Austin Green are "with child." Actually, she's with child, he's just hanging out with her while she's with child, feeding her ice chips, maybe noting whenever Jonah Hex is on Starz. Greene, we can surely agree, is getting the cushier end of this highly-modern, highly-dopey approach to pregnancy where both parties  share the experience and refer to it at social gatherings as "our pregnancy." Which come to think of it, is also mind-bogglingly offensive, since it's not your pregnancy, it's the pregnancies of your wife/special friend. You're not with child, she's with child. You're just patronizing her and bringing her fresh cup of ice chips. Which, incidentally, is an incredibly thoughtful gesture: ice chipping machines are hard to find these day. [New York Daily News]

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It seems Greta van Sustern has taken the bold step of inviting Lindsay Lohan to the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner on Saturday. And she said yes! Lohan will be accompanied by Shawn Holley, her long-suffering defense attorney, which is a very nice gesture. [The Reliable Source]

It seems that Nick Gruber "the 22-year-old ex-porn star paramour" of Calvin Klein allegedly got into a fight with a 20-year-old man who may or not be an intern for Sen. Frank Lautenberg at 4:30 a.m. "on the balcony of his Greenwich Village penthouse." When the cops arrived, Gruber apparently "flailed his arms to avoid being cuffed and shoved his hands into his pants." That just made things worse because the police "found cocaine in Gruber’s underwear when he was later searched." He was subsequently arraigned on "a felony charge of possessing a stimulant and two misdemeanors" but at least his friend from the balcony won't be pressing charges. After informing Page Six he's "absolutely not in a relationship" with Gruber, his one-time combatant sang his praises, declaring:

"He’s like my brother, so if he was angry, I could understand why he could take it out on me. We all get depressed sometimes. I feel for him. No one else was on the balcony, just us. It happened, and then I left. I felt embarrassed . . . I’ve never been in a fight before. I went downstairs, and the doorman asked if they should call the police because my eye was bleeding . . . I’m sorry this happened.”

Wait, what? [Page Six]

Oh, dear: medics had to rush to Al Pacino's side in Los Angeles "after he hurt his eye Monday while filming a gunfight" with co-star Christopher Walken, naturally. Thankfully, for people who cherish the old Pacino and don't really mind the new one's fondness for making silly movies like Jack & Jill his "left eye was treated on the Los Angeles set after he began wincing in pain when the cameras stopped rolling." The name of the movie is called Stand Up Guys and it's about -- wait for it -- "two aging con men try to get their gang back together before one of them is forced to take on a last job — to kill his old pal." It's unclear who the third old pal is played by, though we're rooting for James Woods. [New York Post]

Bill O'Reilly has finally finalized that new multi-year contract that will keep him at Fox News "through the 2016 elections." A similar deal, first reported last week by Brian Stelter, is said to be in the works for Sean Hannity as well.  [TVNewser]

Because you're going to have to know if it comes up socially, or in the course of a diabolical game of human croquette where the fate of entire continents hang in the balance: the Kardashians have reportedly received $40 million for another three seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. According to TMZ, "Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris and Bruce will get the lion's share of the money ... and they are each getting equal pay" while Lamar Odom (Khloe's husband) and Scott Disick and his son Mason "have a separate deal." So now you know. [TMZ]

Essence magazine managing editor Michael Bullerdick has "accepted a position in another division" after it was discovered that his Facebook wall was peppered with various anti-Obama links, as well a cartoon of Al Sharpton will the caption "MSNBC rape pimp." [Fishbowl NY]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.