Levi Shall Beget Another

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Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Levi has done it for the second time, billionaire Ron Perelman has for the eighth, and Jennifer Aniston has a secret family member.

Oh good grief. Levi Johnston, thick-necked rogue prince of Seward's Folly, will soon see the fruit of his seed once more. Yes, TMZ is reporting that the Drilla from Wasilla is expecting a child with his girlfriend, a 20-year-old teacher named Sunny Oglesby. ("Sunny Oglesby"? Is he filming a Bond movie?) Levi of course famously bred with Bristol Palin, daughter of midnight sun queen Sarah Palin, some four years ago, making him famous beyond his wildest dreams, going on to appear in Playgirl magazine, which apparently still exists and isn't just some lame kind of joke, and in a television commercial for nuts. (The joke in that commercial is about Levi using "protection" next time, and well, I guess he didn't follow his own pistachio commercial advice.) So now, with this news, we rejoice. And should start heading toward Alaska. The glorious prophecy now comes closer to being realized, as soon the trinity of the Sons of Levi, there is still one more to be conceived, will ascend the heights of Denali and, with their enchanted hockey sticks, rip a hole in the sky, exposing the brilliant light of the heavens, through which we will all crawl, out of this world and into deliverance. May Sunny Oglesby's loins bear this blessing well! The great work proceeds! [TMZ]

Speaking of blessed baby makers, Revlon head honcho Ron Perelman, 69, is welcoming his eighth child, from his fourth of five wives (he and Ellen Barkin never had a kid). He and his fifth wife, Anna Chapman (a psychiatrist, not the Russian spy lady) are using a surrogate for their second child together, which they expect in the summer. The baby will join its one-year-old brother Oscar, its half-sister Caleigh (born in the mid-'90s), half-sister Samantha (born c. 1990), and adult half-siblings Steven, Josh, Hope, and Faith. These kids' dad is a billionaire who counts free wheelin' actress Ellen Barkin as an ex-wife. This simply must be a movie someday. Perhaps written by little Oscar when he's a frustrated NYU film student. Come everyone, to the future! [Page Six]

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Sad lonely spinster actress Jennifer Aniston apparently has a wild-child half-brother that no one's heard about before? Yeah, he's her dad's kid by another woman and is some sort of "punk" or "scruffy surfer" who lives in California and Alaska. He lives in a van and stuff. Aniston loved hanging out with her brother, but unfortunately Angelina Jolie came along one day and lured him away with weed and pizza and she never saw him again. [Radar]

Apparently Family Matters star Jaleel "Urkel" White burst into tears after his performance on Dancing With the Stars last night, perhaps partly owing to the fact that he and his dance partner had a serious blowdown backstage before the show. White sobbed, saying he "love[s] entertaining people," which is sort of a sad sentiment coming from an early '90s sitcom star who is crying on the set of Dancing With the Stars in 2012, isn't it? Not to be harsh on ol' Stefan Urquelle, but that's just not a pretty picture. Perhaps he'll watch this today, put his head in his hands, and say "Did I do that?" Perhaps. [Us Weekly]

At an awards presentation at an arts center in Stamford (haha, what? arts center? Stamford? award??) Connecticut senator Richard Blumenthal presented Liza Minnelli with an award by accidentally introducing her as "Lisa" Minnelli. Which, oh girl, you do not do. She has a whole song about it! Minnelli apparently took it in good stride, calling him George instead of Richard when accepting the award, but you know deep down she wanted to unhinge her jaw and swallow that Washington fat cat whole. I guess you don't need to learn Liza Minnelli's name to become a senator, but for heaven's sake, sir, you were at an arts center in Stamford, Connecticut. Show some respect! As the saying goes, How do you get to the arts center in Stamford, Connecticut? No, not practice, that's Carnegie Hall. The answer to "How do you get to the arts center in Stamford, Connecticut?" is "Why on Earth— what? Arts center? In Stamford?? Don't be ridiculous." [Page Six]

It seems actor Gary Sinise was in a car accident over the weekend and got pretty banged up, meaning he had to cancel some appearances in the D.C. area. He'll apparently be fine, he just need a little time to recuperate. We just hope his magic legs are OK. Those things were expensive, plus Forrest would be so disappointed if anything happened to them. [Reliable Source]

Glee's Darren Criss was seen, along with Julianna Margulies, Alan Cumming, and their respective husbands, at the West Village dive cabaret bar Marie's Crisis recently, which is a wonderful image. Darren sprawled out on the top of the piano, belting a big brassy number, all the commoners swooning, Alan and hubby rolling their eyes a bit but also giggling, Julianna and her beau pounding a few back at the bar wondering why they ever let Alan talk them into going to these things. And then, after his song, the crowd setting upon Darren and eating him alive and the other four running off into the night, horrified but giddy with adrenalin. Only in New York! (And not in Stamford.) [Page Six]

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.