Andrea Peyser Does Not Approve of This 'Online Dating'

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Poor misguided "dating spreadsheet guy" of last week has another moment in the New York Post Monday. This time it comes from Andrea Peyser, our new favorite dating columnist, who's not only full of advice but also so effervescently positive. How does she do it? Peyser uses David Merkur—remember, he's the investment banker who ranked his dates and kept track of them via Excel—to bemoan the entire state of online dating, that thing these crazy kids are all doing nowadays! The nostalgia wafts over the cubicle walls, here. Peyser writes

It seems so very 2011. But remember the old days when men and women used to communicate via text message?

Or the previous century, when guys and gals hooked up in bars?

Remember? Remember those days? Peyser seems not perturbed by the fact that right in front of our eyes, guys and gals are still texting and hooking up in bars. No matter. The point is, we're all creeps now. Creeps with computers! Peyster continues:

It’s happened. The war of the sexes has gone creepy, officially turning from a pastime to a game. Now it’s blown up into hand-to-hand combat on the Macs of Manhattan, where even a guy who looks like Miss Piggy can be the master of his virtual harem.

As for what the world is coming to and why, Peyser believes the fault lies with 1) The Internet; 2) Men, who think they are invincible because of the Internet (whatever happened to picking up "chicks in person," the way real men used to, back when people were honest and there was no such thing as a dial-up?); and 3) Women, who are desperate, a "red meat in a guy’s dreams of zipless conquests," eating up online dating manipulations from terrible men "like a bulimic before a purge."

But mostly it's the Internet. This all happens because men can't get girls in real life and so go online instead where they can better mess with women. Because that's exactly how it works, assuming people are only online dating because they are psychotic.

There are other possibilities here, of course. There's a small chance that online dating is just another way for people to meet and to go through the general "games" and orchestrations (which every so often result in actually getting to like someone else, and maybe even having a relationship) as any other form of communication and interaction, including hooking up in bars after meeting in person after discovering a mutual admiration for cave drawings or whatnot. Online dating might, maybe, be a conduit to dating, not simply a distasteful activity akin to an eating disorder. But we're not the dating columnist. Andrea Peyser is! Her solution in this desperate time: Get off the computer and meet your husband in a synagogue, like her friend Arlene. Arlene clearly has an AOL account.

Image via Shutterstock by Andy Dean Photography.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.